What Reward

I deal in fiction some say because I hope the people can come together

I would like to think of this as a biographical

Because I am writing my legacy

With a reflective pen full of blood and mirrors

Spilling the ink into the psyche and consciousness of the planet

I don’t take counsel in my friends unless they hold integrity to be brutal

The growth from pain equaled out with qualified praise turns the wheel

Personal wounds stay open and unaddressed

Hidden like cuts on my torso

Opening over and over as I move

Seeping into my underwear and not visible to passers by

But I know the sickness that I live through and live by

My remedy is to stay still and watch

Hold myself and others accountable for who we proclaim to be

It is obvious to me

That you really don’t know me

So whoever misled you should be held accountable by you

Not me, for I know who I am fully

I know my deepest intimacies and perversions

I know my alarming thoughts that have become normal to me

Because I have been accustomed to loving my life more than yours

Self preservation can get sadistic to keep off static

I’ve been an addict to the pain and pressure so its hard for me to relax

I’ve made my weaknesses my strength

Just to make sense of it all

But what reward do I enjoy if I end up alone and without you

Without someone that looks like me and understands my nuances

That understands answers to questions like I do

Man how are you doing?

Sister how are you holding on?

Both of them answered emphatically

Please, I’m from the G…

An idiom to an idiot that does not understand that this is infinite

It is the adhesive to our recognition that no one should complain

Especially when we can open our eyes and see that no one cares

Everyone gets as far away from us as possible

As a solution for a better life for them

As if black hard work brings dirty sweat

As if the whole word can selectively forget

How we have made the world better

I remember every time I see a street light

I remember every time I hear “The Real McCoy”

Every time I see a child still smile in situations with the worst neglect

Every human being can respect that we want the best for our children

If there is no bridge then we have to build them

Walk across them daily to show the wear of its use

I’m from a city, in a region in a state of confusion

Where everyone should face the solution

Is reflected daily in the mirror

That as I learn to work progressively with you

I learn to work progressively

With my self

Until Their Death

I want to speak from a place hidden inside me by formalities

But I have to understand how my words cut and bruise

Plenty of people have ben hurt already and bring it to our introduction

Like little ex-girlfriends waiting for you to say something wrong

So they can catch you in a lie

When in reality

What you say is not a lie

It's just not a truth for you and them

People need winters to remember how cold the world is

How selfish a girl is

And how much responsibility they lay on you when things go wrong

How much credibility they take for keeping the relationship together

Really saying my worth is in security and warmth

If you don't have no money

Then you are a bum

Perform upon request

Or she'll let a rich guy cum

By now you should be numb and stop acting naive

As if you never seen this web weaved

You never felt sticky secretions from a black widows rear

Stay close enough to it and all kinds of things will appear

I have been my own worst enemy

Although I pretend to be my friend

I am at odds with my self now on whether to live or not

Who's winning

Don't worry I already know who you are rooting for

Place your bets

I'll have no regrets when this is done

I am still my fathers son

Born with my mother's aggression

In my hand, a stranger's Smith and Wesson

I already understand the consequences

It's just explaining this to my babies

Explaining how I let shady folk become a part of their life

How my vice past my advice still affects their life

Just how did I choose their mothers

And did their mothers really ever choose me

Am I just making the best of things

Because as strong as I am

I still can't get any understanding

I want to speak from a place hidden inside of me by formalities

But I have to understand how my words cut and bruise

Plenty of people have ben hurt already and bring it to our introduction

Like little ex-girlfriends waiting for you to say something wrong

So they can catch you in a lie

When in reality

What you say is not a lie

It's just not a truth for you and them

Can't people understand that feelings are reckless and haphazard

So I have to stay close to my logic

A heart is so deceitful

And it will have you say forget the math

This has worked somewhere I know

And leave you broken again with nothing to from it to show

You don't just leave the vomit

You clean it up

So depression is your enemies friend

It just slows you down unless you embrace it

Taste it for all of its bitterness

So the scent of success reminds your palate

Its sweeter being happy

But addicts look so happy during the high

As time passes them by

I hug myself when I am alone

And I feel the addicts cry

They want to know why

And why is because suffer the little children do

And then they die

I lost my mind when I found out

Everything we have been taught to believe in

Has been a lie

No one knows where we come from

No one knows where we go in the end

Go get yourself some things you can leave on this earth to your seeds

It will help them think and begin to befriend the wind

It will help them think and begin to befriend the wind

Life is short if you are having fun

Its long and hard for most

Most people are obsessed

To remember to try and forget

Forget where they made mistakes

Why they have wept

Why they are behind right now

Where they know they should be

So they pray and fellowship faithfully

My faith and prayer are tied into my works

I don't have the strength to call God a jerk

Or to be angry at why all people suffer life until they die

Then they may still suffer on the other side

Unless you are devout to what some man has passed down to you

On this side Riiiight

Why do I see so many that look like me

Under the heel of someone that does not believe in God

I never liked them so I never joined their ranks

And you seem so psychotic when you say you just believe

And you can't explain to me why you believe

And you get angry when I don't agree because you can't explain

Or your explanations require you to use some thing other than your brain

And you refuse to think main...

This is when I really see your pain

And reality sets back in again

This is when I really see your pain

And reality sets back in again

And you focus and try to remember to forget

That you don't know why you believe

It's just a feeling...

Nothing empirical

Life is just a miracle

You don't need any evidence

The devil is a scientist

No one knows where we come from

No one knows where we go in the end

Go get yourself some things you can leave on this earth to your seeds

It will help them think and begin to befriend the wind

Life is short if you are having fun

Its long and hard for most

Most remember to try and forget

Forget where they made mistakes

Why they have wept

They tell me hold my head up

Don't look at the ground

But how else will I watch my steps

I live my life for my self and no one else...

I live my life for my self and no one else...

I live my life for my self and no one else...

Most won't figure this out until their death....

Promise To Be Good

I'm so open to...

Loving you...

But I gotta love me...

Sometimes loving you makes me

Forget about all the things that I need

Love's blind but I need to see

Holding you takes away the pain

But I see I'm falling too hard again

I wanna slow it down but I'm in so deep

I'm so open to...

Loving you...

But I gotta love me...

When we make love I'm so clear

All I wanna feel is you real near

But when you're away is when I fear

The questions that I ask complicate thangs

And I don't know if I want a wedding ring

I hold my breathe and try to protect myself

If I don't look out for me then who will

Wonder did I take the red or blue pill

If you ask me I love you unconditionally

If you promise to be good to me

Then I'll promise to be good to you...

I'm so open to...

Loving you...

But I gotta love me...

Like there is no God in me

People treat me like there is no God in me

Like I don't understand there is no limits to my ability

Like I am supposed to be in submission to them for some reason

Like my voice should not be amplified to make any joyful noise

Like my story is less important than

Or some other story is better than

No, I know I am greater than anyone's expectation

Because I know there is God in me

I know God loves me

And I know God does not want me to fail

So I won't

So I will succeed at everything I do

I will never go into any situation plaguing myself with negativity

That seems to be your job and you may be good at it

But I understand that if I don't take my eyes off my goals

I never have to focus on any obstacles

Most successful people are too busy about the business of success

To call themselves that

They are involved in their work and can't address the haters

They have a SWAG that stands for

Showing Worth And Greatness

Contemplate on this if you can

God manifests himself through the spirit of the woman or man

You don't have to tell me what you believe

Let's just go back 12 months and look at your actions

It will SHOW US what you believe

People lie to people and even themselves all the time

But God knows your intentions

I don't have to be mentioned by a soul

As long as my soul is mentioned when the final roll is called

There are always 3 levels in which you can fight the devil

Your heart, your mouth and your hands

Your compassion, your words and your work

And I won't let anyone taint my memory or my ministry

I've seen the fruits of positivity move and grow in abundance

So I know that its much more than just me

I am a vessel full of velocity and viscosity

And I am open to let God use me and those that see me

To get us where we need to be

Ay - Man

You better wake up and don't just take up space

You remember the look on the elders face

When they would hear

The Lord is blessing me right now

He woke me up this morning

And He started me on my way

There are plenty that are absent

That would like to be here today

That would like to hear me say

There is God in me

I am His reflection

I am not perfect but I strive for perfection

So I practice, and practice and practice

See people do best what they do most

So I win

See its been set and ordained

And I don't own it

We all share in the ability to do and be better

So go out and inspire somebody else

Encourage them to accomplish their goal

There is nothing worse than a dream killer

So we are not going to acknowledge that energy

We are not going to be anywhere we are not wanted

Taunted or disrespected

God put us all here on this planet for a purpose

If you would only believe

People treat me like there is no God in me

Like I don't understand there is no limits to my ability

Like I am supposed to be in submission to them for some reason

Like my voice should not be amplified to make any joyful noise

Like my story is less important than

Or some other story is better than

No, I know I am greater than anyone's expectation

Because I know there is God in me

I know God loves me

And I know God does not want me to fail

Everyday

Everyday I have something to say

Some days I write it down

Other days I create concepts

But everyday I have something to say

Some days I don't say anything

And in certain situations

That says everything

Pauses fill space for timing

Your legacy is the only thing you can control

There is integrity in a person's poverty

Because it shows there are things they just won't do

Everyday things run through my mind

Some days they go in slow motion

Most of my vision is in 20/20

I would rather be somewhere alone with my family

Watching my children grow

But I need to earn money to live because

It is only free dumb

Everything else costs

Everyday I have something to say

Maybe not to you in general or specific

But...

Everyday I have something to say

Isometric Isolation

No matter what you say people will believe what they want

So I choose not to say anything to any rendition

What some people will do to keep away competition

What some people will do to the weak mind

I find myself in an isometric isolation

For standing by what I believe

For saying that we all have a voice

And we all deserve to be heard

I am use to gossip

It plagues me like taxes

And I know there is nothing you can do about either

See I keep moving and growing

So they always have something to talk about

I united my haters into organization

But their foundation is on sand

Based on fragile emotions and treachery

Now they pay for their homage and lack of loyalty and unity

With empty promises and jaded fronts

Adding to their biggest handicap

An ego with no work behind it

Wherever you find it

Run from it fast as you can

I am the best me I can be at all times, period

I don't want to be you

And you can never be me

Put your pride aside and get an agenda

Keep it and occupy yourself with it

Its unattractive

When the pen hits the paper and we talk about the practical

There is a devision of power

And it has been written

The ability to include and exclude reveals itself to reflect who has it

Rabid is the rhetoric

The respect is in the integrity of the work

The ability to fill empty rooms and minds with ideas and feelings

To want someone to leave better

Especially if the someone is yourself

See the ugliness of love is that when you give it

It does not have to be returned

And going to that point of vulnerability

Only opens you up to be questioned why you loved at all in the first place

People only listen to strangers

If they would have listened to you and your requests

You two would still be together

Now they are grasping for straws

They do not want the truth that they had ample chances and forgiveness

And they chose the result that they have now

Responsibility is a burden that most people do not want to carry

They live in the accolades of warm markets and crowds

When will they learn to not confuse the love of their family

With the delivery of their product

Constant mediocrity is just that

Mediocre

Unrelatable

Untranslatable

Mumbo jumbo

But the consumer has become infatuated with the less

And become full on a bad diet of garbage

So they no longer can distinguish the toxic and medicinal

So I guess since good is the enemy of great

Your enemies enemy is your friend

And your enemies friends are your enemies

You have to be your own barometer

And reflect what they project on you back to them

They like to dish it out and not receive it

What you put out on the planet you shall receive it

Most folks only say what they heard I said from what somebody else said

And they say they believe it

Unless its something positive about me

Then they say they would have to hear and see that for themselves

We come in and go out alone

So when I am not here physically

I will leave you with work to last for eternity

So you will never be without me

And you will never be lonely

I can be your champion if you let me

I can take on all comers

I saw what happened to Martin and Malcolm

I see how you treat the Chairman

I see how people acclimate to light in adoration

Deifying the flesh without permission

A wise man told me once

When I finally woke up he was sleep

So peep game

The circle has continued

And now I feel the same...

No matter what you say people will believe what they want

So I choose not to say anything to any rendition

What some people will do to keep away competition

What some people will do to the weak mind

I find myself in an isometric isolation

For standing by what I believe

For saying that we all have a voice

And we all deserve to be heard

The Alternative

When the times get hard and you feel hopeless I will believe in you

I will compensate for every deficiency and flaw that you perceive that you have

See you may not feel as if you are perfect

But you are perfect for me

The empty hands that I have need to be filled with your physical

See my mind is already occupied by you and your essence

Our luxury is our engagement

Our participation in us even our perception

I keep saying that you sell yourself too short and you are magnificent

I always am grateful that your father and mother created you

I know we all belong to God but it has to be hard for God to see you released

God has to miss you

See as I kiss you I feel something angelic

It calls my nature to attention

It makes my blood rush in a call to reproduce

In a tribute to you I want to recreate us

And I want to weigh heavy on your heart when we are apart

I want you to seek safety with me

Let me shelter you from even myself when I am not right

Let me reflect the sun rays in your eyes and participate in your happiness

Let's adjust to each other and show the world how to love

I am your alternative, your option lady

You do not have to settle for your less

Here is so much more

So much more of what you deserve

And I am pleased to stay inside of you

And only you

Until your view darkens and rests like the setting sun

With your head against my chest

Please leave me the f**k alone

I long to be faceless on facebook

Because my space is overcrowded

I no longer want to be linked in

Or tweeted

I want to read a book and let my mind go

I want to remove all the hands pulling on me

The price of success in any measure is your privacy

You open yourself up to the scrutiny of every hypocrite

Saying shit about me that they don't live by

Or things that work for your life that I do not enjoy

I'm sick of coming up with new ideas to feed your seeds

Leaving my seeds at home, alone, longing for me

I'm sick of the reckless emotions of immature people

I really don't fuck with people

So it would be advised that you

Stop fucking with me

I don't kiss ass or suck dick

So if you like it then do it

I am not subservient to any human

Just leave me alone

See I want to be faceless on facebook

Because my space is overcrowded

I no longer want to be linked in

Or tweeted

Now please leave me the fuck alone

It's So Hard For A Soldier

It's So Hard For A Soldier (4x)

It's so hard for a soldier

To server and stay sober

To serve and stay somber

To distinguish the enemies

To fight for freedom

To fight for honor

Your freedom to say you don't need them

I've seen how you treat them

When the world has no need for them

See I've been abandoned

And felt taken for granted

I followed all orders

Went to all borders

Followed every process

The truth they wanted less

A solidier's separated from family

A select few understand me

Holidays I think about something else

I couldn't be there myself

I missed a few funerals

Not a close enough relative

And to me it's all relative

It's So Hard For A Soldier (4x)

Now they want to take over

So you look over your shoulder

Then check in your holster

Remember what they told ya'

It's an issue if it was issued

No need for any tissue

You can't be subjected or subdued

See you're just the soldier

Built to take instruction

A capitalist construction

Built for the world's protection

The enforcement of objections

And an enforcer.

But could you happen to fashion

A little more compassion

I'm not ashamed of what I did

I'm not ashamed of how I lived

I didn't want to die for my flag

Just make my enemy die for his

It's So Hard For A Soldier (4x)

Her Body For Free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

I don't want to read your

Emails or texts that say

How much he loves your body

Or how well he likes your head

Don't waste your time

Trying your best to make me jealous

If that's working out for you

Then keep it to yourself, girl

Cause in my mind I'm not

Feeling sorry for that fool no

Cause you still the same woman

He don't know he got a problem

But you and I know

You are really so unstable girl

It's gone take more than therapy

To make you finally see that

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Poem:

It's like you don't understand your worth

I understood it and tried to add to it

You can only play a role but for so long

Then you regress back to your old habits

Excusing your ways because of anger and your past

How would we ever last like that

How would you think I'd tolerate any abuse

What price do you put on my sanity

How much does it cost to get through to you

That I never used you in any way

I made you better

I loved you and put you first

But you have always been a side chick

So you never knew how to represent me

How to shut the fuck up and not ask stupid questions

Of nobody ass people that were and are dying to replace you

Doing their best to erase your memory

All the time you spent with me

Now for nothing - when I felt you were something

I loved the way you made me feel

And that's all I needed to marry you

Now the burden that we carry of us

Is just full of regrets and broken sentiments

Just don't ever forget

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

My Limits

I plan to slowly and precisely
Starting with slow kisses and hugs
Ending inside your thighs
And on your lips
Both sets and dripping into you
Easily like our conversation
Penetrating your being
Until we stick to each other
Like bad habits we don't want to unlearn
Let me be inside of you for eternity
That's the only limits on my love for you

Love

Heart

Special Gift

Longing for Acceptance

Inside of a Box

Love

Thought

Mind

Beautiful, Open

Thinking, Learning, Expanding

In Search of Better

Thought

The Crucible

Inside the crucible

We get crushed and broken but we can become whole again

We are made tacky by our own moisture

Usually represented by sweat and tears

Cuts and rips like deep incisions

Hard decisions to make

We get piled on top of ourself just to become powder

Loose our power just to be reenergized

Find me devoutly chasing and naming myself

Inner self come forth and multiply

Before I die I will live again

In my prism to show my colors

Bruises show the change in my skin

My boldness my sin and and my salvation is not hidden

Your arms have been my prison and now I need release

Conditioned as a problem

How can words, thoughts and emotions harm him...

My last drive not one to self destruction

I need to become the glue

So that I don't fall apart...

Bad Luck

She was bad luck before I met her

Bad look for me to get involved

Should have known from previous relationships

How she handled shit

Thats it would not be better

For love I did not think again

But this time it put me really behind

Popped me in the system

To my heart I should have never listened

See, it's never about a woman

But its always about one

You never go against your rules except for one

I only get unclear when I let my heart get my ear

I should stay my course

Of course that little voice comes out

And says you dont want to die alone, no doubt

But see i moved away, right away

To avoid a lie placed on me

And I was living successfully

Never to return there another day

But then here she comes

With a mess of an address

In an area uncomfortable and inaccessible

And instead of being intellectual

I wasn't

Now I rest with my demons and issues

Far worse off because I fell in love with her

And went against my own system

Now she ridicules me for my past

Takes no responsibility and laughs

Giving the next man the ass and he is laughing too

At me for sure of course right now

But I won't take a bow or any blows

I just go harder now against their flow

And remember that anywhere that I go

I go... slow

And weigh out all of my variables

Verily, to be more than just there

She likes it when she is needed

She likes it when she can talk down and nasty to me

She says its just because she is angry

I can see that she never believed in me

I can see that she never respected me

Maybe I never believe in and respected myself

That's why I took the abuse

I was sure I was looking for love

So this time I didn't run when I should have ran

Hind sight is 20/20

Still got me plenty of life left to do me

And no time to believe in

Bad Luck

Peep This

I see you watching from the outside wishing you were here

Like you don't know how you got where you are now

There is a difference in choosing and being chose

But you may not know

There is a difference in wanting and being wanted

But you may not know

There is a difference in controlling and control

But you may not know

When you finally figure it out I won't care

I see you watching from the outside wishing you were here

Like you don't know how you got where you are now

There is no lie worse than the lie you tell to yourself

I guess if you repeat it enough in private you can repeat it in public

Try and get some sympathy on your own creation

Like you didn't make things exactly the way they are now

Like you are the victim in this somehow

But no one is buying it

Nor is anything else here for sale

I see you watching from the outside wishing you were here

Like you don't know how you got where you are now

Peep this

This is what I have to say to you

My Abstinence

Through the dark passages of my mental

I will continue to treat my body like a temple

No matter how many people try to prey on me

I'll keep my sanctity through my consistency

Resistance through the reality of my Abstinence

I don't mess with you anymore

This is a cleansing - a new mantra

God has blessed me and wants me to be successful

No one with wicked intentions will ever last in my circle

I rebuke you and any negativity from my life

Those that gather in secret against me with envy, jealousy and hate in their hearts will be exposed

No weapon gathered against me shall prosper

The riches and wealth that I gather from the earth I will share it

In abundance before your eyes you shall see me grow

I am now conscious and ready to receive the bounty of the universe

Feed The Famine

I went to Haiti gluttonous

Came back on an internal diet

Promise to feed the famine

They starving for this

I went to Haiti promiscuous

Came back oh so fidelis

True to only a select few

Don't believe what they telling you

Beautiful Soul is a movement

Soul is... Beautiful

Although people act ugly to me

I still see their beauty

I still would like some unity

But not to my destruction

Not to the detriment of my sista

Everyone acting so lawless

Like its cool

But really they hate organization

But really they hate rules

So I had to come back

And make it clear

You can say and do

Whatever you want

Just not here

Beautiful Soul s a movement

Soul is... Beautiful

So we don't play with it

How is Gary and Haiti

So different

To think they just love us

Is just not intelligent

Use your wisdom

What they need - keep giving 'em

No matter what you've heard

It's not just music, singing and words

The Soul is my religion

Because its what I practice

Only strangers are surprised

When they come into our set

I already knew

How beautiful it could get

Off hard work and sweat

I won't forget

I was the poorest person

Outside the projects

But my mind stayed fresh

So I stayed fresh

Everywhere I went

Leaving my influence

Depuis je parti Gary

Ca bouge pour nous

Quand j'etait en Tunisie et Cote D'Ivoire

Ca bouge pour nous

Quand j'etait avec Fela dans la Shrine

Ca bouge pour nous

Quand j'etait en Haiti avec le peuple

Ca bouge pour nous

See this aint nothing new

I can feature on any set

And on my set - I give anyone a feature

Ungrateful they were respected

They long to go to the city to get rejected

When they ask from whence they came

They hear our name

I went to Haiti gluttonous

Came back on an internal diet

Promise to feed the famine

They starving for this

I went to Haiti promiscuous

Came back oh so fidelis

True to only a select few

Don't believe what they telling you

Soul is...

No Absolutes

There are no absolutes in life

The same people that may want you out today

May be advocates for you to be in tomorrow

The same people you can not stomach today

You may place in a position of responsibility tomorrow

There are no real absolutes except for change

Change is the only absolute save for God to believers

Save for love for the lovers

Hate for the haters

My mind does not digest the congestion of thoughts in gray areas

My thoughts will not color a black and white mindset

Another absolute is the thought that things can die

But there is no absolute contention that this is the truth

Or why...

Frequency's Frequency

The interdependency of sound and harmony

Between man and woman can

Resonate past participation

My hesitation to become noise

Organize my sound to music

Don't confuse it

As common

My breath moves at a constancy of my heart beat

2/4 or 1/3 or sporadic like my thoughts

Caught in the brown hues of your eyes

Trying to vibrate past your hips and thighs

Learning your manuscript

I hum to calm me down

And stop my body from aching

Frequency's frequency

Still participating

Precipitating like tears down your cheek

Freak wincing

A wink as a blink

As a link

To what I think

I pause for you in adoration

You rush me to take my patience

The interdependency of sound and harmony

Between man and woman can

Resonate past participation

But won't you join me next time...

Even if it's just in my mind...

In time we will take tours...

Through yours...

- Kelechukwu

www.chukwuism.com

Pathetic

Pathetic you are
Weak and scarred in illusion
No reality

Time Machine

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

I'd go to Chicago
And warn the Chairman and Mark Clark
Trouble's coming after dark

I'd go to Chicago
And warn the Chairman and Mark Clark
Trouble's coming after dark

I'd go to Harlem
And tell the Minister at the Audubon Ballroom
Trouble's coming soon

I'd go to Harlem
And tell the Minister at the Audubon Ballroom
Trouble's coming soon

I'd go to Memphis
And tell King to stay in his room
There's a sniper on the roof

I'd go to Memphis
And tell King to stay in his room
There's a sniper on the roof

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

Cry, It's o.k.

When I see him smile I want to cry
I am ecstatically happy to have him
A better part of me

When I see myself smile I want to cry
I am wondering if I am just trying to fool myself
Am I the best me I can be?

When I see the world I don't want to cry
I want to run into it with both arms up
I want to receive all the blessings available
What hopes could be out here that we don't share
Except for my demise

Help yourself to some of yourself

And its o.k. either way if you want to cry

Rush

So little time to think
Taken aback again why
Planning is off course

Stalker

I write for myself
My therapy, my solace
Stalker go on home

Going Off The Deep End

There is a science to you baby that I can't refuse
Your inside lanes make me want to move
I'm so confused at how we got to this place
But I know I like the taste of your fruit

No attitude needed for us to proceed here I
Lay my body under you and we close our eyes
Try as you may I just want you to obey
Your thighs rise toes to the sky and lie

Lie to yourself that we couldn't be any other place
That you got me again with your pretty face and those eyes
I found you as a little girl and now you have one of your own
A man in your home, but, you still feel so alone

I'll let you escape in me and try to find your infinity
Our affinity will allow you to bow down low
And enjoy me as I do you oh so slow
Me... you have always known

You and I have always gone
Deeper than just the affects of my injection
I am at attention and patiently working on yours - of course
This is my reward for traveling the globe

I left something sweet here at home
And although now you are gone I may see you again
Say hello to all my friends
Hopefully, we will be able to be together when my life ends

Maybe if the stars align right
I just need to see my babies grow and find someone to love them
I just need to bury my bad habits with the desire to have a Benz
Start looking at life through another lenz
Shit is deep maybe I'll buy some Tims

I'm going off the deep end

If there is a flower for every sin
Maybe we can cover the world with them
Lay naked under and wait on rain and thunder
Play with the bees and eat their honey
I'll make people smile for money
I'd take all of them before the wilted
Hang them upside down and tilted
Paint them different colors
And place them in vases made of glass
keep them under the live ones so they can last
Dead flowers last longer than live ones anyway
There is a beauty in the death of something living
No breath anymore but still living
Through thought we last centuries
Our flesh combusts at certain degree
No point of extinction ever for a memory....

My Darkest Places

In the darkest places of my psyche I rest comfortably
I never look for salvation or compassion from friends
I expect the usery to commence hence or since

See one day I woke to the tired stances that people took
And I understood that they were their own victims
Doomed from the beginning and just loved the lie

They feel they know longevity
The claim the believe in their faith
Who are the fooling with that
Definitely not me

I'm connected to you only through the binary
Code applying ones and zeros bits bytes and heros
The strongest person still resists the computer right

Or is this the weakest person
One that fails to try and evolve
I revolve in my darkest places

Faceless

How do you try and hide in the shadows of your own dim lit wit
Body escaping the confines of definition
Throwing words away at the illiterate mind carnally motivated

She sucks at my flesh but never draws blood but I bruise constantly
I loose continuity and retrospectively
I begin my healing and digestion of her temperance

You really know you are done when they say the stupidest things
Comment about my costume like it consumed me
I had fun for once and left my confines

You played your position and now
You have played out, like you stayed out in the sun too long
I am too strong and comfortable in my darkest spaces

There is nothing anyone has ever said about me
That I haven't thought in my own head
Constant practice daily at how to silence that voice

I invited that voice into my darkest places and he foolishly came
I tortured him and made an example of his feelings
Slowly pulling off the skin and pouting in salt

I cut the muscles down to the bone then watched it ooze
I burned its flesh at high degrees until the stinch made me sick
I broke bones and watched with no compassion and went to sleep

When I woke it was dead
So now when anything grows in me to doubt my success
I show the rotted carcass of that little voice

Its in my floppy
Now no one can stop me because I have no enemy within
I also don't have compassion for weakness

Why are you crying
Stop fucking crying and do something about it
Even if the one thing you have to do is fucking leave

An ocean is being formed by an iceberg melting
Inside me so slow
So many rivers flow

Move On

Jealous about him
Born of me and his mother
Lonely girl move on

Worth Living

I forget sometimes why I love you
How I love you so deep
Inside of who we can be
How we feel love

I misplace the excuses
Why life pushes us away from the center
Makes us miss each other more
This life is definitely worth living

Especially, when I think of us
I can't wait until the sun rises
Adding days to the nights
And life to the love

Better With Revisions

Many variables face me now but one thing I know is
I have to make changes to my life to make it better
No matter what I have done up to this point
It never works

I have learned to just not let anyone affect my environment
Male or female
I have to raise the level of my circle
The agreement that there will just be some things we won't do

A moral code that is intrinsic
Not to be pessimistic
We have to just be and become
Become more than what we are now

I don't need cowards posing like they hard
I can't support their fraud
I can't keep the insecure around me
I am going to be what you saw when you found me

I appreciate people being themselves
We all want to be better
I can't respect folks that don't respect me
Why should I?

Why would anyone respect me that I didn't respect?
It doesn't make sense
Plenty men listen to you ladies and then
They use your own weakness against you

The same way women use ours against us
Lure us in to be comfortable then switch it up
Like they like us but just not as we are
We would be better with revisions

I escaped from my own prison
And I can't be locked up in anyone else's cell
It must not be strong enough
This love

Down The Street

She grew up down the street in poverty
Maybe worse than me
I see her looking for an escape
But it can't be in me

We spoke the same language at one time
Now we don't speak at all so much

I am responsible for who we are now
I guess we are still friendly
If not then we will be o.k.

Silence is better than bitterness
Distance is better than arguing
Our space is necessary to stay whole

Cold
That is how the world becomes
Especially when there is confusion
And a difference of opinion
A difference in how we see us

I grew up in a close nit hood
But not close enough to save us
Or as she says save me
She is saved and full of the holy ghost
So I guess I'm just demonic

Anyway you look at it

We still down the street

Whether the Weather

Rain and cold outside
No moonlight seen in the sky
Still people go out

In The Most Respectful Way

I am a constant reminder of myself
I see the sun rise in me with my son
I'll never let them break our spirit
No one values him like me
Like one values me like him
Reciprocity

I could never give up seeing him look to me
Privately I seek to be more so publicly he can smile
You know in that way that lets folk know
Fuck them
In the most respectful way

We say it with our eyes
And our demeanor
That smirk

I never taught him to do any of that
He did it naturally
The same way I was never taught
But I became my father anyway

I didn't run away from my responsibilities
I ran to them
And now I want to run away
Those who try and put my seed in a box

Forever my passion will be great and in full view
And I will protect those parts sacred in him

Some say that we are creating a problem but
I know we were born a problem
Who can solve this?

Step into the arena

Take heed to the words that I manifest
And bring from my chest

Lastly I would have to say
I endorse the theory
That my enemies enemies are my friends
And my enemies friends are my enemies too

Is that too extreme for you to comprehend?

Then pretend that I didn't tell you

So we can co-exist

You Said What?

Tired of being pushed around so I just stand still
My energy set on silence
Since so many people say they know me
I guess I must not know myself
Wrapped in velvet covered with misinformation
It must be soothing to keep up confusion

Don't come looking for something in me that I never promised

Why do people want to project their issues on you?
Like I'll embrace what you feel
When I don't even know what I feel

Unconditionally I see myself in love with life
I separate the mundane and the facts from projections

It's like everything is so important above me
No one feels what I feel
Nor can they see inside

I refuse to answer your assessment of me
Without getting to know me
Your excuses for me being arrogant
So no Black Man should be this confident?

Call it as you see it and just let me be

None of my seeds shall beg for your bread
That's what I said

In the head of a fool lies the source of his foolishness

I'm not afraid to address you
Especially if you feel like its ok to bother me

I've risen from poverty
All kinds of atrocities
And I still have the grace to say Ashe

Ay man
Who do you really think I am?

And why should I give a damn?

The End

I had no problem loving her
She was my best friend

None of it was pretend

Neither was her anger

Why was she always mad at me?
I was committed
I was in above my head

I had no problem loving her
But I think if I stayed
I'd end up dead

There was so much passion
But maybe not enough compassion

Not our fashion

She wanted everything right now
And right now I was trying to heal
I was tying to see if there was a reason to be
A reason to hold on

Intimately we had learned each other
But my relationships implode because
I don't want to stay too soon

I won't bring my son into this again

I thought she was the one

I was ready to marry her but
She was not ready to be calm
She definitely didn't see
Her taking out her frustrations on me

And still I stayed
And still today I won't hate her

I just love myself enough to see
That her anger won't let us be friends

So now I don't pretend
That it's ending

That her smile and great memories
Probably won't be enough

That I had failed in letting her know
I would do anything to see her in control

But she can not be around me
Without looking for reasons to cause confusion
She has been acclimated to start agitation
She needs to be true to her name

Deeply inked in her skin as a mantra
It may work for someone else

Not for me

I have to have some control over my life

I'll have to head my family
I'll have to have some decision making power
When it comes to my children
Especially when I'm not around

I'd love to have someone I can share the crown
I won't ever be the clown
I won't take a few months of calmness to mean change
I won't look away at the anger that keeps surfacing
It's as if she is waiting to be invited in again
To kill me

And I can not let that happen again

I believe what she said
And I only have to be told once
My children need me here in one piece

I don't trust her anymore
And she won't do those things to show she can be trusted
She wants everything changed right now
When right now I have been too hurt by the years of abuse
So I am prepared to strike back
And those results are dismal at best for the two of us
And will prevent us from seeing forever
And I'm not willing to risk my life for love

I won't be able to breathe her remorse
If I am dead
Although this separation is killing parts of me now
I am so disappointed I could not convince her
That I am my own man and I was for her

The cost of loosing a love and a friend
Can never be paid in any wage

I have very few friends
And even fewer loves that are not my kin
So begin the wade in the water of my own decisions

Life is not as fun without you
But at least I am alive
And one day I'll really live again
I am now just existing

I want you to leave me alone

I want us to forget about us

I want to heal

I want to live again

I tried all I could

Now I have to try without you

Don't try and help me anymore

Your intentions seem insincere
And internally I am running out of tears
I am tired of your snapping
I am tired of your temper tantrums
I have grown tired of you

Your existence no longer brings happiness to me
Because I feel the good times are just a lure
And you think you can cure our ills with events
We can spend a weekend and change years of torment

All I can see is you loosing control
And not caring at that moment
That all of my work and means to compete
Were in your hands
And because you were hurt
You felt like you could take that away from me
My children needed to suffer because I loved you
Because I had you close enough to me
To destroy my means of feeding us
You wanted to walk away and have me hurting
Financially, spiritually and emotionally
Because you don't understand
Leave now because you have not listened
You have not accepted that
This is not how you treat a person you love

Your love is abusive and neglecting

You listen but you don't hear me

I have exhausted every means to reconcile

Now I close this chapter on you

Before your anger gets you to claim I owe you again

I owe you nothing

You owe yourself the decency to heal and be better

You were always beautiful to me
No matter what anyone ever thought
And that was enough for me
They did not have to have you and love you
We were a couple
And I could care less

Now I have to have that same attitude to you

Because its obvious you and I don't know how to be friends

Coffee for Coffey

She was dark as coffee but as sweet as chocolate
The last time I saw her she made my heart flutter
Her smile radiated our future
I left with her in my mind and on my lips
Could i sip from her again and not be changed
I think not so I surrender to her force
Her voice angelic and full of hope
Her hands soft and touching deeper than my skin
I am glad I met her
Not the saga begins..

My Perfect Drug

I wouldn't want to be in the shade of my life
Without you in it as my light
Against my own advice

I stand in the wind with attitude
Although I know I have no room
Because my mind's consumed

My perfect drug
Is a hug
From a woman
That belongs to
Another man
But understand
Where I stand
She's just right for me
Because I love
Incompletely
Can't you see
So she completes me

Fever ran from my lips
And the smoke may have clouded my vision
Still, it's my decision

She gives me space when she's at home
I know I'm confused don't rub it in
On some things you can't depend

My perfect drug
Is a hug
From a woman
That belongs to
Another man
But understand
Where I stand
She's just right for me
Because I love
Incompletely
Can't you see
So she completes me

O.K. I feel like a fool at times
But what has ever really been mine
Most times they tire and leave anyway

So she never really means what she says
I lie to myself everyday when I say
I know where we go when we die but I don't

My perfect drug
Is a hug
From a woman
That belongs to
Another man
But understand
Where I stand
She's just right for me
Because I love
Incompletely
Can't you see
So she completes me

Your Love Is a Blasphemy

My days here as a mystery
To think of all you mean to me
I'd love to join this legacy
Of you to me

The fallen walls have tore me down
I only live inside my sound
I placed myself in hallowed ground
In you I'm free

Your Love is just a Blasphemy
All against the god in me
No heaven we will ever see
Your Love is just a Blasphemy

You don't believe in this place
You can't erase our fate
The faith we had could not be safe
You don't hold me

I've broken from your poison cell
And swam away from your hell
But something in your smell
Still reminds me

Your Love is just a Blasphemy
All against the god in me
No heaven we will ever see
Your Love is just a Blasphemy

Single raindrops fill the clouds
I don't want to hold you down
I would rather flood you now
I would rather slowly drown...

I die inside myself each day
And no matter how much that I pray
I won't change the way
You are always

Reborn in your womb too soon
I miss the sun so I kiss the moon
It all begins when I bloom
You don't need me

Your Love is just a Blasphemy
All against the god in me
No heaven we will ever see
Your Love is just a Blasphemy

Forgotten Love

I forgot I left love inside of you
Will you keep it for me until I retrieve it?
Or will you share it with a stranger
Who won't appreciate it as I do

If it was appreciated how could it be forgotten she says
But sometimes you purposely repress your vulnerability
Its easier to see around and issue than to work it out
My issue has been one of humility

My science has logically rules out the magic of us
The parts we can't explain
Like the times when you come when you smell me
And I am not there physically, but just as stong

Neglect

She was in love with him then
And she had decided
That she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him
But that was before all of the neglect

The neglect that let her turn her neck
And see me
I mean really see me for who I am
And who he is not

He's like a lot of us
We forget how precious what we have is
How specialized her kiss becomes
And how we become different for them
Until we forget about them
And we forget the rules

If she is unhappy then she will look for happy
Even in another man's bedroom
Turned their sanctuary
Their secret place of meditation and mediation
He lets her file her grievance with him
And he always judges in her favor

She is always correct
And she wins here
And she is rewarded
What he neglected to touch
Here it is never missed
Here she learns of sensuality

The juice of all of her lips
Drips from his
Experimentation and relaxation
In these stolen moments she again feels whole
But they both think that this will end abruptly
And that they both will end up hurt

Can they be in love when its outside the boundaries
When its forbidden in good society
When its a feeling or emotion they don't speak of publicly
Privately its blissful
Sharing it together bonds them

If the world finds out
The beginning will out shine the end
There is no pretend
Only presents as gifts for her nature
His nature bare and inside of her
Separating what she had once with her man

Painful Separation

When you are not alone but you are lonely then you will see where I have been
And you can see why I don't want to stay here
Whether there is a vacancy or not I have not forgot
Love may have never lived here
It may have just visited and passed like seconds before a minute

Deep in it I wanted to plunge but I knew better
Her actions always confused her speech
At each peak i questioned the valley
I may have cast my own net over myself
And set the stones on the edges as I drowned in her

The edges of our lips touched
And I longed to smell her breath
The heat from her body made me warm
The though of her now makes my stomach jump
It is as if I was inside of her for longer than a year

If she dies then she takes small parts of me with her
Her spirit will plague me with nothing but doubt
I intertwine my heartbeat with her pathway
Our rhythm changes but syncopates
I lost the melody when she left

Who among us can say they are not alone but they are lonely
Many who have felt my touch and are not wrapped in denial
For once you have felt my passion, he will pale in intensity
Like you for me permanently
Is this why I run away just as fast as you came

Remember my name because she is a Judas to my discipline
As arrogant as Iblis that would not bow down to Adam
Distant but so attractive
I can never forget you or what you've done
And we have just begun our separation

Divorced from the idea that we no longer find agreement
Is some way I have failed as a man because you refused to follow
I float on my own recognition that I am comforting myself
Alive to so many as the one who would not give into you
All the while I am so dead and cold inside

This separation hurts
But I have to love me more than I love you
I have to have faith that whatever is removed from my life
I can replace and receive something better
I have to take my time

I can't keep sleeping because I awake to the aches
I always pray for strength but I know I am too strong
This is what got me in this position
This is why I can't go back to you
This is why I'll be fine as I move on

In the future you'll see that I was right
You'll miss me as I have missed you
And we will both see each other on somewhere
And our arrogance will not allow us to be vulnerable
But in your eyes I will see... and you will know

You will always miss me...

Sensibility Disregarded

My fever needs medication
My medicine needs an invitation
My invitation needs timing
My timing needs opportunity
My opportunity needs to be welcome
My welcome needs to come from you

You are what I am seeking
The fulfillment of a prescription no doctor can write
The ending of a chapter I have written
The anticipation of something forbidden
You made yourself available
And damned me with the taste of your love

Rivers

Ice melted in drops
Seeping through rock and mountain
Too deep to cross here

Boy

He never leaves her
She wishes separation
She nods and says no

Girl

She never leaves him
He is plagued by her feeling
She makes him too high

Empty Building

Rusted frames broken
Brick hanging dangerously
Someone sleep inside

The Hundreds

Bloodstained streets never washed
Homicide common neighbor
Blue lights help no one

Poor city

Buses pollute air
People spend more than they earn
Gunshots ricochet

Autumn

Colors generate
Hues sway in contrast to sky
Silence, no birds stayed

Future Times For Present

The pendulum keeps moving forward
My last statement unverifiable until a later date
To prove my love is unending
It should last past my existence

So the relevance of this idea
Wont be clear until I finish life
Until my seeds sown express its purpose
Heeded to what was declared preceding

Evolving as we grow, my daily task it shall be
To penetrate our existence and glow
Radiate; through the sharing of our emotions
Our children will speak of these lessons one day

Fall

Represented leaf
Reproducing famously
Empty branches sigh

Wind

Bending over self
Squinting eyes shielded by hand
Surprised by the air

Summer

Heat from distances
Warms skin closer than sky can
Remembering birth

Rain

Water from the Sky
Slippery, wet and shines
Bitter on the soil

Snow

When I see the cold snow
Barren trees push the sun through
Reflects empty hearts

Catastrophic Magnitude

The earth shook

The buildings fell

The people trapped and crushed in their sleep

The children lay dead in the street

Those who made it out now had no place to stay

No food to eat nor water

Fathers, Mothers, Sons and Daughters

All helpless, dependent and interdependent

These proud people with Dessalines in their genes

Paying for practicing what the free world declared

The slaves revolted and took their independence

Made Napoleon give up his land in America

Still for a loosing cause

Soon the spirit of the Maroons will have to come

But this is a different attack

This did not come from someone that hates you

This came by nature

Natural causes

All of these dead from natural causes

A disaster area, a catastrophe

Many of us only could see through the lenses of those on ground

We cold not smell the dead rotting in the sun

We could not hear the screams for help

Nor feel the heat

We could see the pain

We did understand that this was beyond serious

Curious as to how anyone there could smile dance or play

Astonished that so many were even more steadfast in prayer

God must be angry here somewhere

But tell me how else would the world even care about

People they have never cared about

People they let drown in the ocean before they would let them come to shore

Off of make shift boats, that were barely afloat

Surely just the idea that they would risk their life to get a better life

Must have shown some of the urgency

Emergency now to give aid

Its out here in front of the world

Not even the most callous can be that shady to watch a baby die

And not feel the desperation

But if you are not Haitian

If you are not in Haiti

You can turn your TV.

Pick and choose to remember when it’s on the news

Even as I speak

Someone right now seeks shelter

Someone right now needs food

Tell me how do we help when it seems like

Mother Nature has an attitude

What will we do to help and assist

To resist and persist

Against this

Catastrophic Magnitude

Still the wonderful smiles and colors surround

And their spirit will not be smothered by their pain

Over 300,00 dead

Over 1 million homeless

But they still find a reason to sing

Bring the buckets to gather the water and share it

Bring the masses to come see a people still undefeated

Full of the sounds and dances of the future

The worst has past

The sun still shines

There is much work to do

And no time to complain

Their faith is even stronger

L’Union Fait La Force

Unity Makes Strength

So it just makes sense

That Haiti will come together again

And show the world

The definition of independence

And all of humanity’s need

For Interdependence

And no Magnitude

However Catastrophic

Can ever

Stop this

Recorded Audio

Think Pink

How do you get your body

To fight what's in your body?

Wade water long enough to stay afloat

Until the cure come like a boat and deliver you past this present condition?

Pause when the doctor enter and listen

Hoping to hear the word remission

I've been put in this position

Tot try and strengthen my aunt for a transplant

But none of that happened

So I let her go

But held on to her memories

I found when I buy roses and dry them upside down they last longer

This malady will make your faith stronger

Get this

I have never seen a sick atheist

Not believing in a Higher Power is only the thought of a healthy mind

Not even a wealthy mind

Can buy more time

The choice is cut off a piece of your body

To save the rest of your body

And nobody that is somebody really cares

It's just hair

And they can stare because with all you are carrying

You are still beautiful!

So I think pink

Sink deeper than this ink

Walk for you

Donate time and money

And put in a lot of effort until we beat this

Like "That was just like Polio"

It can be done

It will be done

I'm an optimist

The oncologists can concur this - with the help of the Lord

I've lost a lot to it

Maybe the location of the mill helped to kill some

The air may be dirty

But a job in the Coke plant can help you get that

House, car and tuition for college or private school

So what can you do?

Change her diet...

Tried it...

Still gotta work

No medicine is provided for free

This country don't care if a woman gets sick

They are more preoccupied if a dog is abused by Mike Vick

If Monica Lewinski is still...

Or if Ben Laden is plotting

Your struggle will not be forgotten

The future of a nation is judged by the character of the woman

And coming from a man that's on the outside that has watched your stand

I feel that the future is in good hands...