That understands that I am a good man
One that will not try and dictate who I should be
But one that accepts me as I do her
A single woman
I do not want another mans woman
Because she is another mans woman
I want a woman that can love me for who I am
Not a woman that wants me to turn into who she wants me to be
I resolve now that I surely have not met her yet
The next time I meet a woman
I am going to take all the mess that I have been through
And learn from it this time
I am sure I have overstayed my welcome here
Nothing is going right
And no matter what I do I am not happy
I have those thoughts again
And I need to be strong for my children
I need to be strong for myself
I can't trust anyone anymore
This is depressing
In search of a new way of living
Wonder if God is really mad at me for being me
I try so much to give to people and help
But it seems like I am not getting any help
I made concessions before to move for love
Now I hate that decision because I no longer am safe
I close the deal and get the job and I am told to leave
I work harder than ever and still get worse results
I keep having those thoughts again
And I can't do that to anyone
This is my fault
I have to take ownership
I am alone because I will not take shit
And this is fine for me
Nobody I want wants me
Nor do I trust the ones that say they want me
For what
What do they want
Why are they here
Why am I even writing
Who wants to read or hear this
This is so personal but all out in other peoples conversations
They don't fucking know me
Nosy ass witches trying to cast spells on me
Wishing me the worst luck
I will prosper
But for now I have to disappear
Because I am in search of something better
A better place where people respect me
And respect that I can do what is right
And know I do not throw around words like I love you
Nor do i spend my time with people that are not special to me
So here we go
Changing numbers
Changing addresses
And leaving everything behind
In search of something better
A place that may not exist
As I question the worth of my existence to more than my seeds
My son would miss me
My mother would miss me
Everyone else would just pass on the story of who they thought I was
Which I probably was not
I don't need the spotlight
I don't need the stage
I am so sick of being surrounded by greedy people
I am so sick of hearing empty promises
These fucking people just want to bitch
They just want to complain
They just want to live in theory
They don't want to do shit to change their own situations
So I'm done wasting my time on them and this idea of us
Do I even care if anyone remembers me
I surrounded by so many selfish people
Complaining about nothing as I loose everything
Ha Ha I can only laugh
And understand that I am on this path for a reason
A reason that I am in search of
Because I really do not know
I don't want to be patronized
I really need to close this down and spend some time alone...
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