Mother

Mother I was put into you in a guise of love that wasn't My daddy played games Well I can't say he didn't love you I just don't think that's how a man shows it to his woman I really don't know if you were his woman I just know that my aunt said she warned you and you didn’t listen Well I guess you listened to something inside of you Then took him inside of you Then kept me Was I a token of something you were looking for or a response of the times Would I have been aborted if your beliefs were different Or if it was more of an option like now I can’t say I could only feel the pressure off of you when I left for the Marines And the relief you felt when I was going away I’m a man and I don’t expect you to understand But a lot of women have been bewildered by my lack of understanding of love My idea that they are all in on some sort of usery Until they have their right choice or fit The idea that I would be perfect if… Then they come with the revisions Or they say “You are perfect now…” And I know all my flaws I’m working on especially when it comes to my diet, exercise and health I have loved intensely in the interest of my children and lost everything Because I went away from my simple principles And bet on high odds that defeated me, presently, but it’s not over until I’m dead This arrogance that probably came from the time I was conceived Brought up in a family full of people that never even knew my father’s name My cousin said, we were not told and we did not ask But just realize how I felt and feel in such an out of place setting Having to refer to my grandfather as my father when of course he was not Having to search for fatherly qualities in my uncles, cousins and strangers When of course they could never do it I was their son until they had their own Then they threw me away Everyone just dismissed me and said I will always be alright But I never was or have ever been alright And no one cares to hear you complain And foolishly I’ve believed in family more than it has been a reality Lost my freedom on ideals about honor and respect that never were shown back I definitely understand God Blessing The Child that has his own And holds his own The family only wants to talk about happy things So any serious problem is all your own Now why should I have any compassion for anyone or anything I was made to be a soldier I was made to be a Marine U.ncle S.am’s M.isguided C.hild Looking to have free reign to kill and wreak havoc because of my personal pain Disassociated from you and our connection Never would talk to you about issues because I don’t want to hurt your feelings See, even though I have had so much angst against you and the way I was raised I still want to protect you and do for you Maybe that is attached to my ego Or maybe I just want to always repay you for not aborting me I have always felt like a burden to you As you would beat me constantly and family would act like they didn’t know Family would act like its normal and tell jokes about it But it is never funny No jokes about rape are appropriate at any time Neither is any jokes about abuse Once I was whipping my son and my heart start breaking to see him in that pain I vowed never to hit him like that again nor let anyone else hurt him because I loved him so much I could not see where he was erring solely And not having some responsibility in the gaps And why did my mother never see that And why now do you think I would want to keep in close contact with those memories With all that pain Well, it’s because that’s just the way it is and the story is still being written And I’ve made it better for many of my cousins and people I’ve had under me Maybe I’ve stopped some of the abuse I know sometimes I’m mean But I’m definitely tender Ask my daughter She loves me and knows I love her And she has never seen me be mean or whip her under any circumstance My mother initially beat my sons hands with a shoe once Then she understood as the rest of the family did that this was unacceptable Especially when we went to the house of his mother’s people And he repeated it, with such animation and everyone looked on with confusion But they understood the old school way Then they learned to understand I never will tolerate any of that So it’s a new day So mother, I guess that’s why my love goes this way My closest protector and I had no outlet So I endured it and still love you When I pledged, I was like, session is how I grew up The brutality was nothing The Marines were nothing The streets were nothing Locked up was nothing Deceit and Trickery was nothing I’m on my defense all the time Day and night That’s why it’s hard for me to honor anyone that would violate my space They are stealing from me right? They are trying to hurt me right? That is not love Love does not have to trick you, right? Mother I came into this light from a very dark place Still I respect your grace as you mellow now I think you understand Children come by their parents’ houses to revisit those wonderful memories No one wants to revisit the pain and hurt I know you like to speak about how I come by, so I try to come by more And I know when I do, we sit and talk for a while Then you spend most of your time in your room And I spend most of my time watching sports or on my ipad Playing chess with strangers that are impressed with my skills It’s my life story Very hard to get close to anyone I have more family that are not blood relatives that honor and respect me And I think some how subconsciously they feel that your mother beat you Smacked you and treated you like crap so stay in your place Don't act proud now And I don’t think they gave you enough room to change And I don’t they will like for me to show them the brutality that I learned from you So most of the time I just stay away But fortunately for me Those traits make me a survivor I always look for the best in any situation And I never loose hope And for that mother, I will always appreciate and love you Together today We grow even closer and we strengthen our bond and love Maybe in a few years you’ll be able to express how you love me in words I know you see it in my children and how and anytime they might just say it At anytime I may just say it At anytime we may just hug each other and kiss And you are welcome to receive it to No matter how hard it is to give it No matter what you carried over from high school and you rejection I get it And no one will ever hurt you like that again And no one will ever think to bring you pain like that again Because no one really wants to see that side of me… I do love you unconditionally

Infinite Black Smoke

It is as if they want you to think that I do not exist
A black man that thinks before he speaks
Writes and expresses his intellect before his sex
Never stands on pompousness because I know I need you

There always has to be an us for there to be a me
Trunk, limbs and shared roots of the same tree
Whether I am self made or degreed
The world would like for you to believe I am a myth

I do not brag about taking care of my responsibilities
Because they are my responsibilities, period
I may not smile as much as would make some comfortable
A lot of people just are not comfortable when a black man is serious

Curious if there is something going on in my head
Why yes, all of the time
I believe in progress
Differentiating my self from the next

Keeping this in context
I am everywhere
There is no time that the world has not known me
I created time so I am older than it

Wasting a lot of it, my descendants may not reflect our true purpose
But that does not negate my impact on the planet
All histories lead to my love for humanity
And self destruction may have come from my vanity

My desire to trust the undeserving
Underserved by a planet that is still learning how to love me openly
As I am still learning how to love my self privately
And a lot of the world is watching my destruction silently

I am you, all of you
Even though I may not make headlines in papers and periodicals
The prodigal son I have always been
And I have always treated you like we were kin

My sin no worse than other men
I am just extremely and easily defined by my characteristics and or my skin
Before I named the sun, moon and stars
Before I named the wind

Now I have forgotten the path I created as well
So my fight now is to stay out of the prison industrial complex
And avoiding the mindset
To just give up and not fight

Assimilation into the greater society has made me as
Infinite Black Smoke Similar to pollution
Rather than the solution for what ails the world
The universe knows how medicinal I have been

Creating blues, jazz, bebop and hip hop
Then throwing it in the universe
To be capitalized on by all other remote versions of me
Minus the recognition of the connection

The more you dilute my genes
The harder it is for you to keep rhythm
So the beat and cadence changes
To suit the author of the confusion

In other words
You steal from me then say I did not want it
And maybe all of that is true
And maybe all of it is a lie

Try if you will to think of who in the world would want to be poor
Who in this world would not like to see themselves in positive images in primetime
Who would not want to be respected for their accomplishments
Outside of entertainment

I'd like to be recognized for making the traffic light
Providing the bamboo filament for the light bulb
For blood plasma research
For making the artificial heart

I'd like American culture to see that there were no cook books until after slavery
Because the black cooks knew the recipes
So anytime you sell them on TV
This is a reflection of me

I'd like the world to respect my accomplishments
Acknowledge that the "Real McCoy" is a product of a black man
The super soaker created by a black scientist
Because even my own people don't always know this

Presently a black man is McDonald's president
So the Big Mac's, big mack is black
In fact, the first to die in the American Revolution was a black man too
As well as the architect for the nation's capital

The founder of what is now known as Chicago was black
I'd like the historians to tell that the reason Napoleon had to sell Louisiana
Is because he was loosing the slave revolt in Haiti
L'Overture, Bookman and Dessalines

I really want the world to stop saying they brought slaves from Africa to America
And say they brought men and women from Africa and enslaved them in America
Because there is a difference
And it does make a difference

It is as if they want you to think that I do not exist
A black man that thinks before he speaks
Writes and expresses his intellect before his sex
Never stands on pompousness

Because I know I need you

There always has to be an us for there to be a me
Trunk, limbs and shared roots of the same tree
Whether I am self made or degreed
The world would like for you to believe I am a myth

I do not brag about taking care of my responsibilities
Because they are my responsibilities, period
I may not smile as much as would make some comfortable
A lot of people just are not comfortable when a black man is serious

Curious if there is something going on in my head
Why yes, all of the time
I believe in progress
Differentiating my self from the next

I am not just Infinite Black Smoke...

People Keep Dying

People keep dying
Politicians keep lying
Public education keeps going down
While you watch reality tv that ain't telling you the truth
Wishing your reality was just an illusion
But unfortunately for you
This is really where you are
There is no wizard here but the grand dragon of the kkk
Every sleazy guy is a Stevie J
And laughing at his ignorance and irresponsibility
Tells little boys his behavior is ok
Acting like we still breeding
Well we are making slaves in each generation stronger
Becoming more complacent with loosing our passions
Like this is all we will ever have
We have been praying to lazy angels to intercede on our behalf
When their wings are dirty and their bodies are out of shape
They are envious of human freedom of choice
To kill ourselves slowly through sugar and non nutritious foods
Our ability to smoke and drink and sex with no concern
No accountability for any of our actions
Then we have the nerve to look at our children in their present state
And not recognize we have not taught them anything

People keep dying
And the taxes keep rising
Public assistance is disappearing
Private industry is growing off of the poor loosing freedom
And most people are talking about what some rich person is doing
What some rich baby is wearing
And proud that your baby can wear that too
You can sport the same purse
Or drive the same car
You must be accomplishing something
You must have some worth
See you tithe faithfully and swear you receive your return
Every sunday you turn your head to the effeminate man
That wants to lead your youth organization
Lead your choir
Get your boy to sing
Or you act like you don't see
Certain hands being laid where they don't belong
The selective system of belief
Where you recite and repeat the easy verses
Verses repeat and react the complete teachings
You people don't believe
That's why all the people are stressing in uncertainty
Worrying
Because they do not have faith even in themselves to solve the simple
They refuse to love, even themselves
And they would take the time to discuss this but - they can't talk now
Scandal is on and you know they can't miss it
Call me later after "The Game" goes off
Sorry, the game don't stop
It's really bad when you don't realize you in it
And being paid to be played
All of your best years dedicated to helping a company help you to under-develop your future
You won't be able to discuss this with your supervisor
He just got laid off too
And the frustration both of you have at this situation
I guess it wasn't y'all company after all
I swear plenty of workers are delusional and crazed
Speaking about where they work as their company
But have no control over them getting a raise
Or better benefits
Profit sharing or other things the CEO benefits from
While you let the TV raise your kids
Or they go to the sitter
Or after school program that does not enhance their learning potential or culture higher than the underpaid social worker or cousin of somebody that work there
That sees your children and spends more quality time with them than you
But that new luxury vehicle seats 6 to 10 comfortably
And of course your child would rather you keep working and giving them the best and highest quality clothes and gadgets so they can show everyone that sees them your investments
And i'm sure you tell them you love them daily
You are just too tired to spend any time with them until the weekend
Unless your work load is too strong and you have to go in
Or unless you get a chance to do two doubles to fatten that check
See if you get a heart attack from being overworked you have great insurance and benefits to give to your kids and spouse to bury you
And for the next person that moves in to your place to enjoy
Cause life goes on
Like this poem can go on and on
But I have other things to do with my life
As I Write and Recite

And I  force myself to live more everyday

So my death will only be physical...

This Time Out

This time out you can say you were part of something that meant something
You participated in a cosmic venture against a universal wrong
You saw the verdict and did nothing again
But you hurt so you showed your feelings
Hands up to the ceiling (in private)
Followed the rhetoric (in public)
Head nodding
No critical analysis that there is no leadership in the Black Community
That Sharpton is very dull with no Brown
Jesse is less effective with no King
And every person in the hood is a fool
Especially as they act surprised like there was no King, Amadou or anyone new
Next day, next night, next week, next door or they could be next
I don't want to run or avenge my son
I want to be preventive and stay who I am
On a road to death since I was born
Kiss my babies for me
This time out they already know how much I love them
No one has to tell them my stories I have told them
I have been there
I am no absentee
I have loved them and their families as I love my self
Taken the high road but no shit from anything or any one
Knew better and was not surprised
Just assessed the preparedness of the masses
They did not want to loose their unreal reality tv
Nor did they want to not find out what house wife, ex-wife, ex-woman show would ignore the issue
No one wore any damn hoodies
They would not dare affect their money because their children live
Jay Z says there is no racism
So he is keeping it 100% bullshit as usual
At least he is consistent
Persistent and clear that your level of intelligence can not stop your money
As long as you can pose
Show your smile and keep your people in the fog
Don't quote me because it won't do you any good
This time out before I wrote this it was understood
Overstood and over hoods without hoods
In suits and ties in your face
Politely reminding you it is always NIGGER and never NIGGA
No matter what the whites and arabs you cool with
That say because they poor in the proximity
They use derogatory terms about our ancestry and not theirs
No Spick or Sand Nigger or Sand Nigga, Towel Head etc
Too unorganized to be a terrorist
But you buy their bullshit
And call it art
Like God took a shit and you took it as chocolate
No it is shit
Turds as words like the ones you never said against anything
Just thought it as you angrily walked to your luxury vehicle
And said shit aint that bad for all of us
At least we not slaves
Student loan, credit cards ignored
Gut rehab the new fab cause they don't like your ass is the burbs
Word!
The bias class of yuppies, bubbies, yuckies, buckies.. fuck me
Whatever you call it now
This time out
Everybody knows
Your existence is lower than their pets
Michael Vick got time for betting and abiding on someone killing a dog
This dog killed a boy
After the police told him not to follow him
His ass should have been kicked
Who cares
Its called murder here and every elsewhere
Just this time out
America showed the world
When a black child dies
They don't fucking care...
This Time Out Audio

Everytime I Reach Out I Reach Up

Everytime I reach out I reach up
The only thing that lives are memories
So many snakes in the river
People scared to swim
While I go deep
I don't hold my breath
I breathe the water and let my lungs fill
Don't need a pill or a doctor
Seems like some scared of my shadow
When they should fear my light
Exposure and exposing when expressing
Sincerity let's it stay effortless
Relevance been confirmed since conception
Even though I'm not that type to conceive conceit
Or ever think of defeat
My feat is in the reach...
Everytime I reach out I reach up
And I see the glory of the universe telling my story
A hobby past sloppy lines and incomplete thoughts
Shared existences
Instantly connecting stars to their destiny
Constantly conscious consciously conscientious
Predestined pasts parasites pretentions
Never needing needless nudges
Before I budge I bud like a flower
Minute in minutes minus milliseconds every hour
My power exponential and gentle to the gentile
With my own style and stand
Elbow, wrist then hand ambidextrous
Noting the noted notions of the illustrious
Never caught out, straight raw gut
Because I know
Everytime I reach out I reach up

- Kelechukwu Brnfre

Exodus I

I really don't believe in relying on my dreams
I work too hard in trying to prepare myself for death so
I really spend too much time occupying my mind about time
Crying on the inside of my feelings
Away from the rest of the world is where most of us exist
Whispering loud subjects intersected by incisions like parasitic insects
Indexed like cards in a library of lost emotions that are looking to be found
Held down by the person holding them like hell bent heathens that Believe stronger than Believers that really don't believe what they profess
My profession is marred by my intent on being better than I was before I thought I would be something other than i already am
Understanding all the time I can only be me in whatever shape you see me
A stigmatism like skepticism that the realism is a bit staged and unnatural like medicine with side effects
That affect what’s on the side of your goals that you really shouldn't see because then that means you are not focused
Blurry is the time that passes nonstop while you are being complacent and claim not to be chasing what you are chasing
And not facing the reality that even though the sun shines for all human beings it does not stimulate the same stimuli for you and I if you are melanin deprived
In a hive like bees is where they hide and mad at what is the truth in science passed through my genealogy
Chronologically its documented that i've been tormented, deflected and dismissed as a people
To the point to where the people they point at point in directions that point away from what’s the point of pointing out they need to have a point to start or they will end up pointless and that’s the point of the people pointing out the difference from the point starting
My mind is different i come from the right and left ambidextrous as evil and the wickedness  i'm combating in high and low places
Sometimes i write with no spaces or subjects and my teachers would say i just run on
And i'd say for sure like Kunta Kinte with some Jordans
I think I could fly as well as those with i but we spent too much time with chickens to where we think we are just brown ones
Instead of eagles soaring high because I cannot recognize when, how and where you can find one because I rarely look at self
My mind is not done its just shaded by the confusion in the lives that we have created
Your pants under your behind as a male because your past stinks
And now you look like your were just taken by force again
This is just the physical reflecting what has already transpired in your spirit
See i don't need anyone else to create for me to create because I was created by the best Creator to create creations and demonstrations to show my diligence and submission to position me as a true vicegerent inherent of the kingdom in heaven as it is on earth from birth
I see you cursed with trying to rehearse the well versed
See fist there was the word
And the word became flesh
That same word can produce, heal, comfort, inspire and bring life as well as the reverse your death
As well as revise your breath
As well as reverse your deaf
Hear oh Israel; stop listening my people to sounds that are not organized as music in harmony with the melody of synchronization of building our nation with a strong foundation no matter how many stones subdue our body collective
Collective our body can over come

Hide Me

We separate our tears in grains of salt that taste like sugar
She breathes life out and I inhale it when she sleeps to recycle her
The impression she has on my life shows discretely
I hold her secrets like the last drops of water from a sponge in the desert
I place my hands over my eyes to really look into us
Her smell arouses me and he saliva makes me want her
If you have never felt this way about a woman then you have never lived

I knew she would eventually leave so I prepared her exit
My selfishness would not allow me to share myself fully so I cloaked my truth in parables
She pierced my thin skin and burst my balloon
But i still enjoyed spreading myself out in small particles
An atom splitting is nuclear
Her and I splitting was probably the best for me
Now I can breathe

She imitated life while we died
I so enjoyed being inside of her
Some of me I left in her to torment her new relationships
I told her I was not that bad and that I could be as stubborn for her as I am with my principals
Unfortunately for her, I just won't live unhappy

I kept strands of her hair that kept shedding even though her walls never did
I broke my silence too long after we were done and she received another mans woes
She carries his burdens and then compares him to me
This is so unfair to him

Why we still stay in contact is probably a little of both of us
Hopefully my new love will find a way to protect and hide me...

In Honor of Jihad Muhammad

In Honor of Jihad Muhammad




In his memory

I will stay calm today

I will carry his fire for freedom

But I will stay in control



In his memory

I will look for paths of resolution

I will continue the struggle

And I will look for ways to come together

Before I separate only to regroup again



In his memory

I will think community first

I will continue to build my self intellectually

I will grow my wealth individually

And I will share in abundance my resources



In his memory I will not forget my mortality

I will undersatnd Who is the Greatest

I will submit to this Universality

And I will share my Deen through my actions



In his memory

I will not forget form whince I came

I will not turn away from Mid-Town

I will always think Urban Community Economic Development



His name will ring commitment to our People

Full of admiration and respect for his heart and his works...



In his memory...

All Things Are Conditional

When you have expectations of anyone outside of yourself
You are setting yourself up for disappointment
I try not to ever have expectations
But people ask me to trust them
I think they ask me to trust them to see if I will only
They definitely have their interests in mind
Which is not a bad thing
Its just not an honest thing
The reasons behind anything that they say to me is the conditions
I love you if you do this...
I love you if you do that...
I mean this to you if you do this...
I meant this to you if you do that...
I am secure enough in myself to not need conditions
I don't need you to be a certain way to me for me to be a certain way to you
I know all things are conditional outside of your children
So I don't place people in situations where they have to feel uncomfortable
I'm not closing my eyes while I am intimate to not fall deeper into anything
I'm not playing games with my space and or feelings
I'm not into saying I can help you, but under these conditions
I don't do that because I represent myself and my children
I already have disappointed them enough in the past
When will I take responsibility and do what is best for them?
When will I take responsibility and do what's best for me
My life is ending
Their life is beginning
I am their hero until they can evaluate me amongst their other heroes
In a while I may not fly so high
My cape may not be so brilliant
My strength will definitely diminish
And my all knowing brian will pale inside of the new world they will discover
I love them
And I need to remember how to truly love myself
All things being conditional....

Elle Est Belle (pronounced El - Ay - Bell)

Elle est belle 

And so many times I have never told her

I have passed her in streets congested with ugliness and she has renewed my spirit

I have seen her in her present condition and thought about how I may have contributed to her pain

See I have learned from other males and it's not surprising that "il" is the noun for male in french

We do sick things at times to ourselves so others don't have a chance

Yet, elle est belle

I'm not in euphoria either or speaking of any of the negative attributes of her

I am focusing on that part of her that is bigger than my primal instinct to return to Eve

Bigger than my desire to fill her and feel her as I attempt to change our future

I mean have you really seen elle as she is just being her

The perk in her step as she remembers something else that she needs to do

Her internal laugh as she remembers something that she enjoyed that was done to her

I try to stay valued in both categories

Not judging my worth by her

But showing the worth of her to me

It's easy to be vulgar

The art is in the sensuality

Elle has a tenderness that can be given in reward for her respect

Elle, tu me manque (I miss you)

Le dernier fois que je te voir (The last time I saw you)

Je te l"avais dit... (I told you)

Ni mois sauf toi (Not me without you)

Ni toi sauf moi (Or you without me)

And I meant it

I was you before I became me and I carry your "x"

"Y" makes me who I am but I still understand the compassion needed to care

You keep me there...

The problem with most of my peers words to your ears is the same problem I have with them

We don't believe them...

There has been a lost integrity behind saying what we mean

And meaning what we say

The true value of us is how everyone else feels when we are taken away

My memories of being held by you have always carried me through

So in some sort of way I want you to feel held by me

In all of my actions 

In all of my art

Elle est belle is an essential part

She is beautiful

And her inner most beauty is what drives me to her all the time

I try to complement her scars because they give her skin character

Even though she  has been taught that covering them up makes her belle

I often let her walk by when she is made up for the show

I've been hugged and got some of that on my skin

It was hot and my pores could not breathe

And if this makes her feel good then I accept it

I just don't think she believes me when I tell her that its not my preference

I like her scratches and nicks, they tell her story

I'm not talking about in marketing and promotion because we all know that that is for perfection

And this is an imperfect world 

So I hope that we all know that that is not real or attainable

Its for money

And so many do anything for money

And this is exactly where they lower their value

Il et elle (him and her)

They say all money spends the same

That has not been my experience

They say all sex is the same

That has not been my experience either

They say all men are the same

I hope this is not true

They say all women are the same

Now I know I can stop this with you

The truth is that you have the potential to start and or stop a war

Speak to the core of all of our pain if you speak to us and not at us

The maternal has an order we have not followed for so long in public

Privately wishing things could change

But not exerting our strengths to manifest what our hearts have called for

A return to the respect for elle

Then our speech in public will be tempered by appropriate dialog for our daughters

Our appearance would be palatable to all our children

And the elders would rejoice and enthusiastically give us permission to speak

And the sounds wouldn't be so weak

And everyone could tell

Elle est belle

I Fly 4 Life

I Fly 4 Life

I Fly 4 Life

I fly for the opportunity to live

I soar high above the earth on hope

I also understand what it feels like

To be tired

To be confused

To want to give up

But I don’t

I don’t ever give up

I found out that my smile

My smile soothes the spirit

It is received through the eyes

And goes right to the heart

I cry too

I Fly because of how I cry

Not why

I just fill up with so much

That it just leaks out

And it’s ok

I’m not the 1^st

And I won’t be the last to cry

And I am aware that others care

People that don’t even know me feel for me

Not so strange strangers

Want to know

Where I get the strength

See, I stretch out my arms

Even if it’s when I close my eyes

And I float high above this earth

I head for the stars

I see above the clouds

I look at the sun

And I fell its heat on my face

And I remember

I Fly 4 Life

I fly to live

I fly for love

And my life makes me give

Over and over and over and over and over

Again

So you too may live…

I fly 4 Life

I fly forever

We fly together…

I Must Still Have Some Worth

I don't mind when she lays on my shoulder and speaks to me about myself and my behavior

When she tells me of how my actions have hurt us and our future

I have learned to not negate what she says because i don't believe it

because if she is saying that she feels this then this is her truth

I don't mind when she raises her voice about issues that are serious for her

Even when i think she is over-exaggerating and being too extreme

I try to always reflect later on what took past between us to try and better address the situation

On the outside people would marginalize this to love

I feel that respect is greater than love because people hit the children they love

Grab the spouse they love and neglect them as a punishment

People don't speak to people they love for years over small things

But people always give people they respect room to grow

The benefit of doubt and the room to change for the better

I respect her mind so I listen to her thoughts

I respect her decisions so I try to partner mine with hers

When she is done talking and I have listened intently

I find that I am better because of the time I have taken

I learned more about myself by listen to the perception of me from someone I respect

Someone that I don't limit to love

Someone that stretches my boundaries to be greater

If I am angry about anything it is that I never got it before

I don't romanticize any past relationship errors that could be corrected

I appreciate this moment in time of my life

Everything changes

But every change does not make you better

More prepared for the fact that at some period and time in your life

You have more past and less future to look forward to having

So you have to enjoy her softness and character

And her character has to be what you live for as time and gravity weighs in

And understand that I an a handful

But I have a life of living to give

And if she wants to share it with me

Then I must still have some worth...

Umbilical

In a time when creativity and original ideas seem to be limited

Where loyalty has taken an all time low

Where you really have to be careful of whom you consider friends

And really evaluate those you feel are enemies

All experiences teach you lessons

What you retain has to make you better when you see this again

Pretend you share the same placenta as a thinker

That you evaluate yourself and your energies and what surrounds you

That you can explain all of your actions and reasons for all the things that you do

Pretend that you are deliberate with your speech

And that you think before you speak

And that you understand the repercussions of erroneous words

That you understand what is said and what is not said

And that you evaluate actions so a lot does not need be said

Pretend that in this placenta you feel the emotions of creator

And you have that burst of energy that pushes you past stale environments

Makes you seek the positive in the situation

And to give yourself encouragements because very few give you genuine feedback

Pretend all of the women that you have dealt with understand that if its over you can still speak

Their emotions don't have to overbear their sensibility to be around you

That they should see that you have accepted rejection before

And that rejection is not death to anything but rather life to new realities

Pretend you are a man and you have to let go of childish things

Move into more secured areas that allow your children to feel safe

Understand the the transition from boy to man is an unclear line with no time attached

Know that anger and hate don't qualify as justifications for violence

And that there is nothing as strong as gentleness

And nothing is as gentle as real strength

And you do not have to be a pacifist to not like war

Now get back into your own reality

And you can see why I keep cutting the umbilical

Then We repent

My fast growing desire to be inside of my head to stay warm inside of heated thoughts of passion

The depths of the ending that never comes as many times as she sounds off into the universe for freedom

Her electricity powers my need to keep her captivated by the intensity of my interest and I turn black

I don't get green with envy, I stay black because I am the presence of every color and emotion

My inner being is deep enough to drown in and stay calm because you know some air will rise

Like I have for so many moons and so may suns that have rose and set in the horizon of us

I really am not ashamed of my lust for you and the strength in my arms contract like a boa around you

We suffocate because our kisses press our face and bodies close so we sweat and enter each other

Pourous is our love and we slowly seep into the unconsciousness and rest and peace of sleep and dance in each others dreams

Day dreams just as strong so I forget that I hate to leave the bed we share to go gather means to buy more tributes to my adoration of our images

I have to make room for more mirrors on our walls to catch us at more angles as we bathe in each others scent

Then we repent...

I Love Them Both

My mind plays tricks on me

When I think I need to give up it pushes me on

When I think I have done all I can do

It lets me know I still have more in me

It helps me to ignore the maliciousness of those closest to me

The jealousy and envy they hold

When I feel I still have nothing

Slipping between the seconds as they get closer to infinity

I stand on small stones of resiliency

Holding the small ground I raised my expectations on as my island

Staying afloat to look like a mirage

Drink of this potion and intoxicate your life with my spirits

Hallucinations make people think they are perfect

Perfection is the final stages of life when there is no living left to do

It rests in smiles of children that really only love

Rarely know hate except in words repeated from adults they believe in

My mind plays tricks on me

Telling me I can no longer believe in men

I have to loose the "n" and only believe in me

Superficial is the love of a person that is still angry and won't forgive you

Won't ever let you grow from your old self and skin already shedded

Heading for a finite position

I now understand

That my mind is my best friend

I need to embrace her willingness to love me

Intermingle her sound judgement and fidelity

And weigh it against my self

For he still is basking in arrogance

And afraid to ask for direction

I am more akin to him than my mind

So presently

I still am lost

But one day I will listen to her and find my way

I love them both as I love myself

She exists in me

Asymmetrical to the heavens walking in flesh and the sun bearing children inside of tears of joy

The universe emptied its energy into a cosmos and reminded me life is worth living still

Her beauty reproduced in the eyes and whispers of envious limbs that support other women

Trying to be a part of some sort of Divine order in a godless world is where I met her

In the brief moments that divide seconds before they cluster into time infinitum

I was reminded that a human can reach the levels of angels and hang in the clouds effortlessly

As long as the vision is pure and from the soul and leveled with the fear of our mortality

Understanding that time is slow and fast and a man made concept of how to capture moments

So time is not real, sleep is not real, I recognize neither when she and I are intertwined

Apart from her I look at the sun and moon when I wake and gaze at our eyes past reflection

My senses magnified by anticipation of the thought of the scent of the wind passing her skin

The study of the stimulation of the memory of the nerves delivery from the touch of a single lash of her eye

The earth rotates its axis back and forth to move the wind as she bends

Immeasurable is her affect on this planet as her menstruation keeps the sky regular and cleansed

Her past belief in other guys lies reassure the hope of some truth coming in this reality

Where hustlers pass blame to those hustled for not recognizing they were being played

Where the power of love and dedication make trust a five letter word that equals to blindness

I respect her minds decisions as well as her body's reaction to outside influences

So her aborted fetuses resupply the pool for old souls so new life can continue

Her open eyes show the optimism of anything being possible as recuperation from any pain

I have licked her wounds with her and offered my vulnerability to her as a strength by submission

And I am not submissive

I have just learned follow the natural order of my head and listen twice as much as I speak

Her interpretation of my life's past delivery shows me why I have not been fruitful

Mainly because I have not been truthful or faithful to anyone or my self

She radiates and illuminates my dark thoughts until they no longer exist

She is an amalgamation of thoughts and experiences of every woman that has pass before me

Spoke to, hugged, loved or hated me, engaged me and or ignored me

I created these ideas inside of a vacuum of loneliness when it was her that showed me

There has always been a difference between being lonely and being alone

Being alone can give me more time to reflect on myself and just breathe and listen to what the earth is saying

It can also be a reality for me even when I am in a committed relationship because there is no communication

So many couples look so good on paper but inside they are unhappy

She has shown me happiness once again past the gossip of insecure women and effeminate men

The closeness of a good woman is the equivalence of a very great friend that wants whats best for you

She is not a sexual object for your pleasure never to be served and never to be pleased

Every time she serves me I try to serve her right back but better, longer and stronger

I won't fall into the cycle and wait for her to initiate before I participate again

I'll let her know that I have been waiting on her and how important she has been in my life using words not just actions

I've been thinking about her and how I would show her I have missed her since she was last in my presence with words and actions

I want to embrace her in a way physically, mentally and spiritually to show her my incompleteness without her

How I like to kiss her so softly that every groove on her fingerprint is a loving labyrinth

Leading to the rest of her body's bounty and no matter where my face finds itself

My eyes and my attention are deeply imbedded into the sight of her as she lay in my arms thoroughly satisfied that I exist in her

And my behavior when I am in places alone should reflect how much she exists in me...

Constantly connecting through the universe monitoring my actions that she is more important to me than any mistake I would need to apologize for

And I am strong enough to not allow anyone to take away or interrupt the sanctity where we last left and my body has her last touch

So even in my demise the last time that I would rise and fall would be in and for her so she would always retain the last of me

As I would hold my last intimate moments with her for my infinity

In heaven as in the earth - she'd exist in me

Dre

The earth births and shares until its over

Memories make sure that it never is

Dig that...

I still hear your voice

I still see your face

I still understand this pressure we all face

The strength to continue and overcome

I will tap into

Until I see you again...

My friend

D Day 2011

So my man is dead by his own hands

But was it by his own means

Seems to me that this could have been what someone dreamed about

No doubt

Doubt has let me into thinking why

But that is a fools guess

In a corner with his brains splattered he lay

They say from a rifle

After he wrote out his will on paper

With his mother in the next room

So my man killed himself

And plenty believe he is going straight to hell

As if we are not living in it now

As if the devil is not fucking with us daily

God willing

So he took his life

Or changed forms by his own will

I say if you have the will to live

You can have the will to die

You can have the will to die in your free will as a man

And execute your self

Say fuck you to the bill collector

And the rest of the pests

That are left with no answers like me...

So I feel he is free

I don't say he is going to hell

I say he is leaving hell

And vindictive no good humans

That show many faces and are full of shit

He is leaving here and may or may not come back

May or may not haunt the living forever

Wherever he fits he will

He is gone in the physical

But lives forever

Every time I remember him

So parts of him will stay in hell

Oh well

New Lows

Evidentially the standards of decency have been lowered

I have had pictures of genitals sent to me that were not mine

I was told of sexual acts she was going to perform on others

Now she takes a call whispering as if I am to be bothered

Well, I am not

I don't expect much from any person that is trying to buy a person

Of course I prepare any woman to be a freak for the masses

Especially after she has been in my classes

What makes a woman ugly is whats inside of her

No schooling and degrees can give any woman class

Life makes women break things and cuss and text and call out of control

I used to look at old movies we made thinking about the time

Now I try to look for any traces of her face, body or essence

And delete them and cleanse and move on

I change around every room that touched her

I cleanse my children of her memory

Its too early in the morning to do anything but sleep

But tomorrow I will get further from this stain on my existence

I need new business cards and I need to change my cell

Everything here is old

Including thoughts of being civil with monsters

New lows

People Don't Care

I truly believe now that people don't care

The things we have been brought to think are sacred

Don't mean anything

People are into the moment

There is not critical assessment of social means

People want you to work for free

In the name of friendships

But friends should want to compensate you for your work

If I make it look easy then it is not worth compensation

Morality is out of the window

Roles that are yours like father are undercut by boyfriends

Who gives there child to the ward of another person?

Where do they do that?

People don't care

Care is a lost concern with terms like community and decency

Is there any hope for the future except that they will end like the present and past