Pathetic

Pathetic you are
Weak and scarred in illusion
No reality

Time Machine

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

I'd go to Chicago
And warn the Chairman and Mark Clark
Trouble's coming after dark

I'd go to Chicago
And warn the Chairman and Mark Clark
Trouble's coming after dark

I'd go to Harlem
And tell the Minister at the Audubon Ballroom
Trouble's coming soon

I'd go to Harlem
And tell the Minister at the Audubon Ballroom
Trouble's coming soon

I'd go to Memphis
And tell King to stay in his room
There's a sniper on the roof

I'd go to Memphis
And tell King to stay in his room
There's a sniper on the roof

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

If I had a time machine
Time machine...
I'd do some things

Cry, It's o.k.

When I see him smile I want to cry
I am ecstatically happy to have him
A better part of me

When I see myself smile I want to cry
I am wondering if I am just trying to fool myself
Am I the best me I can be?

When I see the world I don't want to cry
I want to run into it with both arms up
I want to receive all the blessings available
What hopes could be out here that we don't share
Except for my demise

Help yourself to some of yourself

And its o.k. either way if you want to cry

Rush

So little time to think
Taken aback again why
Planning is off course

Stalker

I write for myself
My therapy, my solace
Stalker go on home

Going Off The Deep End

There is a science to you baby that I can't refuse
Your inside lanes make me want to move
I'm so confused at how we got to this place
But I know I like the taste of your fruit

No attitude needed for us to proceed here I
Lay my body under you and we close our eyes
Try as you may I just want you to obey
Your thighs rise toes to the sky and lie

Lie to yourself that we couldn't be any other place
That you got me again with your pretty face and those eyes
I found you as a little girl and now you have one of your own
A man in your home, but, you still feel so alone

I'll let you escape in me and try to find your infinity
Our affinity will allow you to bow down low
And enjoy me as I do you oh so slow
Me... you have always known

You and I have always gone
Deeper than just the affects of my injection
I am at attention and patiently working on yours - of course
This is my reward for traveling the globe

I left something sweet here at home
And although now you are gone I may see you again
Say hello to all my friends
Hopefully, we will be able to be together when my life ends

Maybe if the stars align right
I just need to see my babies grow and find someone to love them
I just need to bury my bad habits with the desire to have a Benz
Start looking at life through another lenz
Shit is deep maybe I'll buy some Tims

I'm going off the deep end

If there is a flower for every sin
Maybe we can cover the world with them
Lay naked under and wait on rain and thunder
Play with the bees and eat their honey
I'll make people smile for money
I'd take all of them before the wilted
Hang them upside down and tilted
Paint them different colors
And place them in vases made of glass
keep them under the live ones so they can last
Dead flowers last longer than live ones anyway
There is a beauty in the death of something living
No breath anymore but still living
Through thought we last centuries
Our flesh combusts at certain degree
No point of extinction ever for a memory....

My Darkest Places

In the darkest places of my psyche I rest comfortably
I never look for salvation or compassion from friends
I expect the usery to commence hence or since

See one day I woke to the tired stances that people took
And I understood that they were their own victims
Doomed from the beginning and just loved the lie

They feel they know longevity
The claim the believe in their faith
Who are the fooling with that
Definitely not me

I'm connected to you only through the binary
Code applying ones and zeros bits bytes and heros
The strongest person still resists the computer right

Or is this the weakest person
One that fails to try and evolve
I revolve in my darkest places

Faceless

How do you try and hide in the shadows of your own dim lit wit
Body escaping the confines of definition
Throwing words away at the illiterate mind carnally motivated

She sucks at my flesh but never draws blood but I bruise constantly
I loose continuity and retrospectively
I begin my healing and digestion of her temperance

You really know you are done when they say the stupidest things
Comment about my costume like it consumed me
I had fun for once and left my confines

You played your position and now
You have played out, like you stayed out in the sun too long
I am too strong and comfortable in my darkest spaces

There is nothing anyone has ever said about me
That I haven't thought in my own head
Constant practice daily at how to silence that voice

I invited that voice into my darkest places and he foolishly came
I tortured him and made an example of his feelings
Slowly pulling off the skin and pouting in salt

I cut the muscles down to the bone then watched it ooze
I burned its flesh at high degrees until the stinch made me sick
I broke bones and watched with no compassion and went to sleep

When I woke it was dead
So now when anything grows in me to doubt my success
I show the rotted carcass of that little voice

Its in my floppy
Now no one can stop me because I have no enemy within
I also don't have compassion for weakness

Why are you crying
Stop fucking crying and do something about it
Even if the one thing you have to do is fucking leave

An ocean is being formed by an iceberg melting
Inside me so slow
So many rivers flow

Move On

Jealous about him
Born of me and his mother
Lonely girl move on

Worth Living

I forget sometimes why I love you
How I love you so deep
Inside of who we can be
How we feel love

I misplace the excuses
Why life pushes us away from the center
Makes us miss each other more
This life is definitely worth living

Especially, when I think of us
I can't wait until the sun rises
Adding days to the nights
And life to the love

Better With Revisions

Many variables face me now but one thing I know is
I have to make changes to my life to make it better
No matter what I have done up to this point
It never works

I have learned to just not let anyone affect my environment
Male or female
I have to raise the level of my circle
The agreement that there will just be some things we won't do

A moral code that is intrinsic
Not to be pessimistic
We have to just be and become
Become more than what we are now

I don't need cowards posing like they hard
I can't support their fraud
I can't keep the insecure around me
I am going to be what you saw when you found me

I appreciate people being themselves
We all want to be better
I can't respect folks that don't respect me
Why should I?

Why would anyone respect me that I didn't respect?
It doesn't make sense
Plenty men listen to you ladies and then
They use your own weakness against you

The same way women use ours against us
Lure us in to be comfortable then switch it up
Like they like us but just not as we are
We would be better with revisions

I escaped from my own prison
And I can't be locked up in anyone else's cell
It must not be strong enough
This love

Down The Street

She grew up down the street in poverty
Maybe worse than me
I see her looking for an escape
But it can't be in me

We spoke the same language at one time
Now we don't speak at all so much

I am responsible for who we are now
I guess we are still friendly
If not then we will be o.k.

Silence is better than bitterness
Distance is better than arguing
Our space is necessary to stay whole

Cold
That is how the world becomes
Especially when there is confusion
And a difference of opinion
A difference in how we see us

I grew up in a close nit hood
But not close enough to save us
Or as she says save me
She is saved and full of the holy ghost
So I guess I'm just demonic

Anyway you look at it

We still down the street

Whether the Weather

Rain and cold outside
No moonlight seen in the sky
Still people go out

In The Most Respectful Way

I am a constant reminder of myself
I see the sun rise in me with my son
I'll never let them break our spirit
No one values him like me
Like one values me like him
Reciprocity

I could never give up seeing him look to me
Privately I seek to be more so publicly he can smile
You know in that way that lets folk know
Fuck them
In the most respectful way

We say it with our eyes
And our demeanor
That smirk

I never taught him to do any of that
He did it naturally
The same way I was never taught
But I became my father anyway

I didn't run away from my responsibilities
I ran to them
And now I want to run away
Those who try and put my seed in a box

Forever my passion will be great and in full view
And I will protect those parts sacred in him

Some say that we are creating a problem but
I know we were born a problem
Who can solve this?

Step into the arena

Take heed to the words that I manifest
And bring from my chest

Lastly I would have to say
I endorse the theory
That my enemies enemies are my friends
And my enemies friends are my enemies too

Is that too extreme for you to comprehend?

Then pretend that I didn't tell you

So we can co-exist

You Said What?

Tired of being pushed around so I just stand still
My energy set on silence
Since so many people say they know me
I guess I must not know myself
Wrapped in velvet covered with misinformation
It must be soothing to keep up confusion

Don't come looking for something in me that I never promised

Why do people want to project their issues on you?
Like I'll embrace what you feel
When I don't even know what I feel

Unconditionally I see myself in love with life
I separate the mundane and the facts from projections

It's like everything is so important above me
No one feels what I feel
Nor can they see inside

I refuse to answer your assessment of me
Without getting to know me
Your excuses for me being arrogant
So no Black Man should be this confident?

Call it as you see it and just let me be

None of my seeds shall beg for your bread
That's what I said

In the head of a fool lies the source of his foolishness

I'm not afraid to address you
Especially if you feel like its ok to bother me

I've risen from poverty
All kinds of atrocities
And I still have the grace to say Ashe

Ay man
Who do you really think I am?

And why should I give a damn?

The End

I had no problem loving her
She was my best friend

None of it was pretend

Neither was her anger

Why was she always mad at me?
I was committed
I was in above my head

I had no problem loving her
But I think if I stayed
I'd end up dead

There was so much passion
But maybe not enough compassion

Not our fashion

She wanted everything right now
And right now I was trying to heal
I was tying to see if there was a reason to be
A reason to hold on

Intimately we had learned each other
But my relationships implode because
I don't want to stay too soon

I won't bring my son into this again

I thought she was the one

I was ready to marry her but
She was not ready to be calm
She definitely didn't see
Her taking out her frustrations on me

And still I stayed
And still today I won't hate her

I just love myself enough to see
That her anger won't let us be friends

So now I don't pretend
That it's ending

That her smile and great memories
Probably won't be enough

That I had failed in letting her know
I would do anything to see her in control

But she can not be around me
Without looking for reasons to cause confusion
She has been acclimated to start agitation
She needs to be true to her name

Deeply inked in her skin as a mantra
It may work for someone else

Not for me

I have to have some control over my life

I'll have to head my family
I'll have to have some decision making power
When it comes to my children
Especially when I'm not around

I'd love to have someone I can share the crown
I won't ever be the clown
I won't take a few months of calmness to mean change
I won't look away at the anger that keeps surfacing
It's as if she is waiting to be invited in again
To kill me

And I can not let that happen again

I believe what she said
And I only have to be told once
My children need me here in one piece

I don't trust her anymore
And she won't do those things to show she can be trusted
She wants everything changed right now
When right now I have been too hurt by the years of abuse
So I am prepared to strike back
And those results are dismal at best for the two of us
And will prevent us from seeing forever
And I'm not willing to risk my life for love

I won't be able to breathe her remorse
If I am dead
Although this separation is killing parts of me now
I am so disappointed I could not convince her
That I am my own man and I was for her

The cost of loosing a love and a friend
Can never be paid in any wage

I have very few friends
And even fewer loves that are not my kin
So begin the wade in the water of my own decisions

Life is not as fun without you
But at least I am alive
And one day I'll really live again
I am now just existing

I want you to leave me alone

I want us to forget about us

I want to heal

I want to live again

I tried all I could

Now I have to try without you

Don't try and help me anymore

Your intentions seem insincere
And internally I am running out of tears
I am tired of your snapping
I am tired of your temper tantrums
I have grown tired of you

Your existence no longer brings happiness to me
Because I feel the good times are just a lure
And you think you can cure our ills with events
We can spend a weekend and change years of torment

All I can see is you loosing control
And not caring at that moment
That all of my work and means to compete
Were in your hands
And because you were hurt
You felt like you could take that away from me
My children needed to suffer because I loved you
Because I had you close enough to me
To destroy my means of feeding us
You wanted to walk away and have me hurting
Financially, spiritually and emotionally
Because you don't understand
Leave now because you have not listened
You have not accepted that
This is not how you treat a person you love

Your love is abusive and neglecting

You listen but you don't hear me

I have exhausted every means to reconcile

Now I close this chapter on you

Before your anger gets you to claim I owe you again

I owe you nothing

You owe yourself the decency to heal and be better

You were always beautiful to me
No matter what anyone ever thought
And that was enough for me
They did not have to have you and love you
We were a couple
And I could care less

Now I have to have that same attitude to you

Because its obvious you and I don't know how to be friends

Coffee for Coffey

She was dark as coffee but as sweet as chocolate
The last time I saw her she made my heart flutter
Her smile radiated our future
I left with her in my mind and on my lips
Could i sip from her again and not be changed
I think not so I surrender to her force
Her voice angelic and full of hope
Her hands soft and touching deeper than my skin
I am glad I met her
Not the saga begins..

My Perfect Drug

I wouldn't want to be in the shade of my life
Without you in it as my light
Against my own advice

I stand in the wind with attitude
Although I know I have no room
Because my mind's consumed

My perfect drug
Is a hug
From a woman
That belongs to
Another man
But understand
Where I stand
She's just right for me
Because I love
Incompletely
Can't you see
So she completes me

Fever ran from my lips
And the smoke may have clouded my vision
Still, it's my decision

She gives me space when she's at home
I know I'm confused don't rub it in
On some things you can't depend

My perfect drug
Is a hug
From a woman
That belongs to
Another man
But understand
Where I stand
She's just right for me
Because I love
Incompletely
Can't you see
So she completes me

O.K. I feel like a fool at times
But what has ever really been mine
Most times they tire and leave anyway

So she never really means what she says
I lie to myself everyday when I say
I know where we go when we die but I don't

My perfect drug
Is a hug
From a woman
That belongs to
Another man
But understand
Where I stand
She's just right for me
Because I love
Incompletely
Can't you see
So she completes me

Your Love Is a Blasphemy

My days here as a mystery
To think of all you mean to me
I'd love to join this legacy
Of you to me

The fallen walls have tore me down
I only live inside my sound
I placed myself in hallowed ground
In you I'm free

Your Love is just a Blasphemy
All against the god in me
No heaven we will ever see
Your Love is just a Blasphemy

You don't believe in this place
You can't erase our fate
The faith we had could not be safe
You don't hold me

I've broken from your poison cell
And swam away from your hell
But something in your smell
Still reminds me

Your Love is just a Blasphemy
All against the god in me
No heaven we will ever see
Your Love is just a Blasphemy

Single raindrops fill the clouds
I don't want to hold you down
I would rather flood you now
I would rather slowly drown...

I die inside myself each day
And no matter how much that I pray
I won't change the way
You are always

Reborn in your womb too soon
I miss the sun so I kiss the moon
It all begins when I bloom
You don't need me

Your Love is just a Blasphemy
All against the god in me
No heaven we will ever see
Your Love is just a Blasphemy

Forgotten Love

I forgot I left love inside of you
Will you keep it for me until I retrieve it?
Or will you share it with a stranger
Who won't appreciate it as I do

If it was appreciated how could it be forgotten she says
But sometimes you purposely repress your vulnerability
Its easier to see around and issue than to work it out
My issue has been one of humility

My science has logically rules out the magic of us
The parts we can't explain
Like the times when you come when you smell me
And I am not there physically, but just as stong

Neglect

She was in love with him then
And she had decided
That she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him
But that was before all of the neglect

The neglect that let her turn her neck
And see me
I mean really see me for who I am
And who he is not

He's like a lot of us
We forget how precious what we have is
How specialized her kiss becomes
And how we become different for them
Until we forget about them
And we forget the rules

If she is unhappy then she will look for happy
Even in another man's bedroom
Turned their sanctuary
Their secret place of meditation and mediation
He lets her file her grievance with him
And he always judges in her favor

She is always correct
And she wins here
And she is rewarded
What he neglected to touch
Here it is never missed
Here she learns of sensuality

The juice of all of her lips
Drips from his
Experimentation and relaxation
In these stolen moments she again feels whole
But they both think that this will end abruptly
And that they both will end up hurt

Can they be in love when its outside the boundaries
When its forbidden in good society
When its a feeling or emotion they don't speak of publicly
Privately its blissful
Sharing it together bonds them

If the world finds out
The beginning will out shine the end
There is no pretend
Only presents as gifts for her nature
His nature bare and inside of her
Separating what she had once with her man

Painful Separation

When you are not alone but you are lonely then you will see where I have been
And you can see why I don't want to stay here
Whether there is a vacancy or not I have not forgot
Love may have never lived here
It may have just visited and passed like seconds before a minute

Deep in it I wanted to plunge but I knew better
Her actions always confused her speech
At each peak i questioned the valley
I may have cast my own net over myself
And set the stones on the edges as I drowned in her

The edges of our lips touched
And I longed to smell her breath
The heat from her body made me warm
The though of her now makes my stomach jump
It is as if I was inside of her for longer than a year

If she dies then she takes small parts of me with her
Her spirit will plague me with nothing but doubt
I intertwine my heartbeat with her pathway
Our rhythm changes but syncopates
I lost the melody when she left

Who among us can say they are not alone but they are lonely
Many who have felt my touch and are not wrapped in denial
For once you have felt my passion, he will pale in intensity
Like you for me permanently
Is this why I run away just as fast as you came

Remember my name because she is a Judas to my discipline
As arrogant as Iblis that would not bow down to Adam
Distant but so attractive
I can never forget you or what you've done
And we have just begun our separation

Divorced from the idea that we no longer find agreement
Is some way I have failed as a man because you refused to follow
I float on my own recognition that I am comforting myself
Alive to so many as the one who would not give into you
All the while I am so dead and cold inside

This separation hurts
But I have to love me more than I love you
I have to have faith that whatever is removed from my life
I can replace and receive something better
I have to take my time

I can't keep sleeping because I awake to the aches
I always pray for strength but I know I am too strong
This is what got me in this position
This is why I can't go back to you
This is why I'll be fine as I move on

In the future you'll see that I was right
You'll miss me as I have missed you
And we will both see each other on somewhere
And our arrogance will not allow us to be vulnerable
But in your eyes I will see... and you will know

You will always miss me...

Sensibility Disregarded

My fever needs medication
My medicine needs an invitation
My invitation needs timing
My timing needs opportunity
My opportunity needs to be welcome
My welcome needs to come from you

You are what I am seeking
The fulfillment of a prescription no doctor can write
The ending of a chapter I have written
The anticipation of something forbidden
You made yourself available
And damned me with the taste of your love

Rivers

Ice melted in drops
Seeping through rock and mountain
Too deep to cross here

Boy

He never leaves her
She wishes separation
She nods and says no

Girl

She never leaves him
He is plagued by her feeling
She makes him too high

Empty Building

Rusted frames broken
Brick hanging dangerously
Someone sleep inside

The Hundreds

Bloodstained streets never washed
Homicide common neighbor
Blue lights help no one

Poor city

Buses pollute air
People spend more than they earn
Gunshots ricochet

Autumn

Colors generate
Hues sway in contrast to sky
Silence, no birds stayed

Future Times For Present

The pendulum keeps moving forward
My last statement unverifiable until a later date
To prove my love is unending
It should last past my existence

So the relevance of this idea
Wont be clear until I finish life
Until my seeds sown express its purpose
Heeded to what was declared preceding

Evolving as we grow, my daily task it shall be
To penetrate our existence and glow
Radiate; through the sharing of our emotions
Our children will speak of these lessons one day

Fall

Represented leaf
Reproducing famously
Empty branches sigh

Wind

Bending over self
Squinting eyes shielded by hand
Surprised by the air

Summer

Heat from distances
Warms skin closer than sky can
Remembering birth

Rain

Water from the Sky
Slippery, wet and shines
Bitter on the soil

Snow

When I see the cold snow
Barren trees push the sun through
Reflects empty hearts