The End

I had no problem loving her
She was my best friend

None of it was pretend

Neither was her anger

Why was she always mad at me?
I was committed
I was in above my head

I had no problem loving her
But I think if I stayed
I'd end up dead

There was so much passion
But maybe not enough compassion

Not our fashion

She wanted everything right now
And right now I was trying to heal
I was tying to see if there was a reason to be
A reason to hold on

Intimately we had learned each other
But my relationships implode because
I don't want to stay too soon

I won't bring my son into this again

I thought she was the one

I was ready to marry her but
She was not ready to be calm
She definitely didn't see
Her taking out her frustrations on me

And still I stayed
And still today I won't hate her

I just love myself enough to see
That her anger won't let us be friends

So now I don't pretend
That it's ending

That her smile and great memories
Probably won't be enough

That I had failed in letting her know
I would do anything to see her in control

But she can not be around me
Without looking for reasons to cause confusion
She has been acclimated to start agitation
She needs to be true to her name

Deeply inked in her skin as a mantra
It may work for someone else

Not for me

I have to have some control over my life

I'll have to head my family
I'll have to have some decision making power
When it comes to my children
Especially when I'm not around

I'd love to have someone I can share the crown
I won't ever be the clown
I won't take a few months of calmness to mean change
I won't look away at the anger that keeps surfacing
It's as if she is waiting to be invited in again
To kill me

And I can not let that happen again

I believe what she said
And I only have to be told once
My children need me here in one piece

I don't trust her anymore
And she won't do those things to show she can be trusted
She wants everything changed right now
When right now I have been too hurt by the years of abuse
So I am prepared to strike back
And those results are dismal at best for the two of us
And will prevent us from seeing forever
And I'm not willing to risk my life for love

I won't be able to breathe her remorse
If I am dead
Although this separation is killing parts of me now
I am so disappointed I could not convince her
That I am my own man and I was for her

The cost of loosing a love and a friend
Can never be paid in any wage

I have very few friends
And even fewer loves that are not my kin
So begin the wade in the water of my own decisions

Life is not as fun without you
But at least I am alive
And one day I'll really live again
I am now just existing

I want you to leave me alone

I want us to forget about us

I want to heal

I want to live again

I tried all I could

Now I have to try without you

Don't try and help me anymore

Your intentions seem insincere
And internally I am running out of tears
I am tired of your snapping
I am tired of your temper tantrums
I have grown tired of you

Your existence no longer brings happiness to me
Because I feel the good times are just a lure
And you think you can cure our ills with events
We can spend a weekend and change years of torment

All I can see is you loosing control
And not caring at that moment
That all of my work and means to compete
Were in your hands
And because you were hurt
You felt like you could take that away from me
My children needed to suffer because I loved you
Because I had you close enough to me
To destroy my means of feeding us
You wanted to walk away and have me hurting
Financially, spiritually and emotionally
Because you don't understand
Leave now because you have not listened
You have not accepted that
This is not how you treat a person you love

Your love is abusive and neglecting

You listen but you don't hear me

I have exhausted every means to reconcile

Now I close this chapter on you

Before your anger gets you to claim I owe you again

I owe you nothing

You owe yourself the decency to heal and be better

You were always beautiful to me
No matter what anyone ever thought
And that was enough for me
They did not have to have you and love you
We were a couple
And I could care less

Now I have to have that same attitude to you

Because its obvious you and I don't know how to be friends