What Reward

I deal in fiction some say because I hope the people can come together

I would like to think of this as a biographical

Because I am writing my legacy

With a reflective pen full of blood and mirrors

Spilling the ink into the psyche and consciousness of the planet

I don’t take counsel in my friends unless they hold integrity to be brutal

The growth from pain equaled out with qualified praise turns the wheel

Personal wounds stay open and unaddressed

Hidden like cuts on my torso

Opening over and over as I move

Seeping into my underwear and not visible to passers by

But I know the sickness that I live through and live by

My remedy is to stay still and watch

Hold myself and others accountable for who we proclaim to be

It is obvious to me

That you really don’t know me

So whoever misled you should be held accountable by you

Not me, for I know who I am fully

I know my deepest intimacies and perversions

I know my alarming thoughts that have become normal to me

Because I have been accustomed to loving my life more than yours

Self preservation can get sadistic to keep off static

I’ve been an addict to the pain and pressure so its hard for me to relax

I’ve made my weaknesses my strength

Just to make sense of it all

But what reward do I enjoy if I end up alone and without you

Without someone that looks like me and understands my nuances

That understands answers to questions like I do

Man how are you doing?

Sister how are you holding on?

Both of them answered emphatically

Please, I’m from the G…

An idiom to an idiot that does not understand that this is infinite

It is the adhesive to our recognition that no one should complain

Especially when we can open our eyes and see that no one cares

Everyone gets as far away from us as possible

As a solution for a better life for them

As if black hard work brings dirty sweat

As if the whole word can selectively forget

How we have made the world better

I remember every time I see a street light

I remember every time I hear “The Real McCoy”

Every time I see a child still smile in situations with the worst neglect

Every human being can respect that we want the best for our children

If there is no bridge then we have to build them

Walk across them daily to show the wear of its use

I’m from a city, in a region in a state of confusion

Where everyone should face the solution

Is reflected daily in the mirror

That as I learn to work progressively with you

I learn to work progressively

With my self

Until Their Death

I want to speak from a place hidden inside me by formalities

But I have to understand how my words cut and bruise

Plenty of people have ben hurt already and bring it to our introduction

Like little ex-girlfriends waiting for you to say something wrong

So they can catch you in a lie

When in reality

What you say is not a lie

It's just not a truth for you and them

People need winters to remember how cold the world is

How selfish a girl is

And how much responsibility they lay on you when things go wrong

How much credibility they take for keeping the relationship together

Really saying my worth is in security and warmth

If you don't have no money

Then you are a bum

Perform upon request

Or she'll let a rich guy cum

By now you should be numb and stop acting naive

As if you never seen this web weaved

You never felt sticky secretions from a black widows rear

Stay close enough to it and all kinds of things will appear

I have been my own worst enemy

Although I pretend to be my friend

I am at odds with my self now on whether to live or not

Who's winning

Don't worry I already know who you are rooting for

Place your bets

I'll have no regrets when this is done

I am still my fathers son

Born with my mother's aggression

In my hand, a stranger's Smith and Wesson

I already understand the consequences

It's just explaining this to my babies

Explaining how I let shady folk become a part of their life

How my vice past my advice still affects their life

Just how did I choose their mothers

And did their mothers really ever choose me

Am I just making the best of things

Because as strong as I am

I still can't get any understanding

I want to speak from a place hidden inside of me by formalities

But I have to understand how my words cut and bruise

Plenty of people have ben hurt already and bring it to our introduction

Like little ex-girlfriends waiting for you to say something wrong

So they can catch you in a lie

When in reality

What you say is not a lie

It's just not a truth for you and them

Can't people understand that feelings are reckless and haphazard

So I have to stay close to my logic

A heart is so deceitful

And it will have you say forget the math

This has worked somewhere I know

And leave you broken again with nothing to from it to show

You don't just leave the vomit

You clean it up

So depression is your enemies friend

It just slows you down unless you embrace it

Taste it for all of its bitterness

So the scent of success reminds your palate

Its sweeter being happy

But addicts look so happy during the high

As time passes them by

I hug myself when I am alone

And I feel the addicts cry

They want to know why

And why is because suffer the little children do

And then they die

I lost my mind when I found out

Everything we have been taught to believe in

Has been a lie

No one knows where we come from

No one knows where we go in the end

Go get yourself some things you can leave on this earth to your seeds

It will help them think and begin to befriend the wind

It will help them think and begin to befriend the wind

Life is short if you are having fun

Its long and hard for most

Most people are obsessed

To remember to try and forget

Forget where they made mistakes

Why they have wept

Why they are behind right now

Where they know they should be

So they pray and fellowship faithfully

My faith and prayer are tied into my works

I don't have the strength to call God a jerk

Or to be angry at why all people suffer life until they die

Then they may still suffer on the other side

Unless you are devout to what some man has passed down to you

On this side Riiiight

Why do I see so many that look like me

Under the heel of someone that does not believe in God

I never liked them so I never joined their ranks

And you seem so psychotic when you say you just believe

And you can't explain to me why you believe

And you get angry when I don't agree because you can't explain

Or your explanations require you to use some thing other than your brain

And you refuse to think main...

This is when I really see your pain

And reality sets back in again

This is when I really see your pain

And reality sets back in again

And you focus and try to remember to forget

That you don't know why you believe

It's just a feeling...

Nothing empirical

Life is just a miracle

You don't need any evidence

The devil is a scientist

No one knows where we come from

No one knows where we go in the end

Go get yourself some things you can leave on this earth to your seeds

It will help them think and begin to befriend the wind

Life is short if you are having fun

Its long and hard for most

Most remember to try and forget

Forget where they made mistakes

Why they have wept

They tell me hold my head up

Don't look at the ground

But how else will I watch my steps

I live my life for my self and no one else...

I live my life for my self and no one else...

I live my life for my self and no one else...

Most won't figure this out until their death....

Promise To Be Good

I'm so open to...

Loving you...

But I gotta love me...

Sometimes loving you makes me

Forget about all the things that I need

Love's blind but I need to see

Holding you takes away the pain

But I see I'm falling too hard again

I wanna slow it down but I'm in so deep

I'm so open to...

Loving you...

But I gotta love me...

When we make love I'm so clear

All I wanna feel is you real near

But when you're away is when I fear

The questions that I ask complicate thangs

And I don't know if I want a wedding ring

I hold my breathe and try to protect myself

If I don't look out for me then who will

Wonder did I take the red or blue pill

If you ask me I love you unconditionally

If you promise to be good to me

Then I'll promise to be good to you...

I'm so open to...

Loving you...

But I gotta love me...

Like there is no God in me

People treat me like there is no God in me

Like I don't understand there is no limits to my ability

Like I am supposed to be in submission to them for some reason

Like my voice should not be amplified to make any joyful noise

Like my story is less important than

Or some other story is better than

No, I know I am greater than anyone's expectation

Because I know there is God in me

I know God loves me

And I know God does not want me to fail

So I won't

So I will succeed at everything I do

I will never go into any situation plaguing myself with negativity

That seems to be your job and you may be good at it

But I understand that if I don't take my eyes off my goals

I never have to focus on any obstacles

Most successful people are too busy about the business of success

To call themselves that

They are involved in their work and can't address the haters

They have a SWAG that stands for

Showing Worth And Greatness

Contemplate on this if you can

God manifests himself through the spirit of the woman or man

You don't have to tell me what you believe

Let's just go back 12 months and look at your actions

It will SHOW US what you believe

People lie to people and even themselves all the time

But God knows your intentions

I don't have to be mentioned by a soul

As long as my soul is mentioned when the final roll is called

There are always 3 levels in which you can fight the devil

Your heart, your mouth and your hands

Your compassion, your words and your work

And I won't let anyone taint my memory or my ministry

I've seen the fruits of positivity move and grow in abundance

So I know that its much more than just me

I am a vessel full of velocity and viscosity

And I am open to let God use me and those that see me

To get us where we need to be

Ay - Man

You better wake up and don't just take up space

You remember the look on the elders face

When they would hear

The Lord is blessing me right now

He woke me up this morning

And He started me on my way

There are plenty that are absent

That would like to be here today

That would like to hear me say

There is God in me

I am His reflection

I am not perfect but I strive for perfection

So I practice, and practice and practice

See people do best what they do most

So I win

See its been set and ordained

And I don't own it

We all share in the ability to do and be better

So go out and inspire somebody else

Encourage them to accomplish their goal

There is nothing worse than a dream killer

So we are not going to acknowledge that energy

We are not going to be anywhere we are not wanted

Taunted or disrespected

God put us all here on this planet for a purpose

If you would only believe

People treat me like there is no God in me

Like I don't understand there is no limits to my ability

Like I am supposed to be in submission to them for some reason

Like my voice should not be amplified to make any joyful noise

Like my story is less important than

Or some other story is better than

No, I know I am greater than anyone's expectation

Because I know there is God in me

I know God loves me

And I know God does not want me to fail

Everyday

Everyday I have something to say

Some days I write it down

Other days I create concepts

But everyday I have something to say

Some days I don't say anything

And in certain situations

That says everything

Pauses fill space for timing

Your legacy is the only thing you can control

There is integrity in a person's poverty

Because it shows there are things they just won't do

Everyday things run through my mind

Some days they go in slow motion

Most of my vision is in 20/20

I would rather be somewhere alone with my family

Watching my children grow

But I need to earn money to live because

It is only free dumb

Everything else costs

Everyday I have something to say

Maybe not to you in general or specific

But...

Everyday I have something to say

Isometric Isolation

No matter what you say people will believe what they want

So I choose not to say anything to any rendition

What some people will do to keep away competition

What some people will do to the weak mind

I find myself in an isometric isolation

For standing by what I believe

For saying that we all have a voice

And we all deserve to be heard

I am use to gossip

It plagues me like taxes

And I know there is nothing you can do about either

See I keep moving and growing

So they always have something to talk about

I united my haters into organization

But their foundation is on sand

Based on fragile emotions and treachery

Now they pay for their homage and lack of loyalty and unity

With empty promises and jaded fronts

Adding to their biggest handicap

An ego with no work behind it

Wherever you find it

Run from it fast as you can

I am the best me I can be at all times, period

I don't want to be you

And you can never be me

Put your pride aside and get an agenda

Keep it and occupy yourself with it

Its unattractive

When the pen hits the paper and we talk about the practical

There is a devision of power

And it has been written

The ability to include and exclude reveals itself to reflect who has it

Rabid is the rhetoric

The respect is in the integrity of the work

The ability to fill empty rooms and minds with ideas and feelings

To want someone to leave better

Especially if the someone is yourself

See the ugliness of love is that when you give it

It does not have to be returned

And going to that point of vulnerability

Only opens you up to be questioned why you loved at all in the first place

People only listen to strangers

If they would have listened to you and your requests

You two would still be together

Now they are grasping for straws

They do not want the truth that they had ample chances and forgiveness

And they chose the result that they have now

Responsibility is a burden that most people do not want to carry

They live in the accolades of warm markets and crowds

When will they learn to not confuse the love of their family

With the delivery of their product

Constant mediocrity is just that

Mediocre

Unrelatable

Untranslatable

Mumbo jumbo

But the consumer has become infatuated with the less

And become full on a bad diet of garbage

So they no longer can distinguish the toxic and medicinal

So I guess since good is the enemy of great

Your enemies enemy is your friend

And your enemies friends are your enemies

You have to be your own barometer

And reflect what they project on you back to them

They like to dish it out and not receive it

What you put out on the planet you shall receive it

Most folks only say what they heard I said from what somebody else said

And they say they believe it

Unless its something positive about me

Then they say they would have to hear and see that for themselves

We come in and go out alone

So when I am not here physically

I will leave you with work to last for eternity

So you will never be without me

And you will never be lonely

I can be your champion if you let me

I can take on all comers

I saw what happened to Martin and Malcolm

I see how you treat the Chairman

I see how people acclimate to light in adoration

Deifying the flesh without permission

A wise man told me once

When I finally woke up he was sleep

So peep game

The circle has continued

And now I feel the same...

No matter what you say people will believe what they want

So I choose not to say anything to any rendition

What some people will do to keep away competition

What some people will do to the weak mind

I find myself in an isometric isolation

For standing by what I believe

For saying that we all have a voice

And we all deserve to be heard

The Alternative

When the times get hard and you feel hopeless I will believe in you

I will compensate for every deficiency and flaw that you perceive that you have

See you may not feel as if you are perfect

But you are perfect for me

The empty hands that I have need to be filled with your physical

See my mind is already occupied by you and your essence

Our luxury is our engagement

Our participation in us even our perception

I keep saying that you sell yourself too short and you are magnificent

I always am grateful that your father and mother created you

I know we all belong to God but it has to be hard for God to see you released

God has to miss you

See as I kiss you I feel something angelic

It calls my nature to attention

It makes my blood rush in a call to reproduce

In a tribute to you I want to recreate us

And I want to weigh heavy on your heart when we are apart

I want you to seek safety with me

Let me shelter you from even myself when I am not right

Let me reflect the sun rays in your eyes and participate in your happiness

Let's adjust to each other and show the world how to love

I am your alternative, your option lady

You do not have to settle for your less

Here is so much more

So much more of what you deserve

And I am pleased to stay inside of you

And only you

Until your view darkens and rests like the setting sun

With your head against my chest

Please leave me the f**k alone

I long to be faceless on facebook

Because my space is overcrowded

I no longer want to be linked in

Or tweeted

I want to read a book and let my mind go

I want to remove all the hands pulling on me

The price of success in any measure is your privacy

You open yourself up to the scrutiny of every hypocrite

Saying shit about me that they don't live by

Or things that work for your life that I do not enjoy

I'm sick of coming up with new ideas to feed your seeds

Leaving my seeds at home, alone, longing for me

I'm sick of the reckless emotions of immature people

I really don't fuck with people

So it would be advised that you

Stop fucking with me

I don't kiss ass or suck dick

So if you like it then do it

I am not subservient to any human

Just leave me alone

See I want to be faceless on facebook

Because my space is overcrowded

I no longer want to be linked in

Or tweeted

Now please leave me the fuck alone

It's So Hard For A Soldier

It's So Hard For A Soldier (4x)

It's so hard for a soldier

To server and stay sober

To serve and stay somber

To distinguish the enemies

To fight for freedom

To fight for honor

Your freedom to say you don't need them

I've seen how you treat them

When the world has no need for them

See I've been abandoned

And felt taken for granted

I followed all orders

Went to all borders

Followed every process

The truth they wanted less

A solidier's separated from family

A select few understand me

Holidays I think about something else

I couldn't be there myself

I missed a few funerals

Not a close enough relative

And to me it's all relative

It's So Hard For A Soldier (4x)

Now they want to take over

So you look over your shoulder

Then check in your holster

Remember what they told ya'

It's an issue if it was issued

No need for any tissue

You can't be subjected or subdued

See you're just the soldier

Built to take instruction

A capitalist construction

Built for the world's protection

The enforcement of objections

And an enforcer.

But could you happen to fashion

A little more compassion

I'm not ashamed of what I did

I'm not ashamed of how I lived

I didn't want to die for my flag

Just make my enemy die for his

It's So Hard For A Soldier (4x)

Her Body For Free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

I don't want to read your

Emails or texts that say

How much he loves your body

Or how well he likes your head

Don't waste your time

Trying your best to make me jealous

If that's working out for you

Then keep it to yourself, girl

Cause in my mind I'm not

Feeling sorry for that fool no

Cause you still the same woman

He don't know he got a problem

But you and I know

You are really so unstable girl

It's gone take more than therapy

To make you finally see that

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Poem:

It's like you don't understand your worth

I understood it and tried to add to it

You can only play a role but for so long

Then you regress back to your old habits

Excusing your ways because of anger and your past

How would we ever last like that

How would you think I'd tolerate any abuse

What price do you put on my sanity

How much does it cost to get through to you

That I never used you in any way

I made you better

I loved you and put you first

But you have always been a side chick

So you never knew how to represent me

How to shut the fuck up and not ask stupid questions

Of nobody ass people that were and are dying to replace you

Doing their best to erase your memory

All the time you spent with me

Now for nothing - when I felt you were something

I loved the way you made me feel

And that's all I needed to marry you

Now the burden that we carry of us

Is just full of regrets and broken sentiments

Just don't ever forget

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

I can't have no woman

Saying that she loves me

Making me pay for her emotions

While she's giving out her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

Her body for free

My Limits

I plan to slowly and precisely
Starting with slow kisses and hugs
Ending inside your thighs
And on your lips
Both sets and dripping into you
Easily like our conversation
Penetrating your being
Until we stick to each other
Like bad habits we don't want to unlearn
Let me be inside of you for eternity
That's the only limits on my love for you

Love

Heart

Special Gift

Longing for Acceptance

Inside of a Box

Love

Thought

Mind

Beautiful, Open

Thinking, Learning, Expanding

In Search of Better

Thought

The Crucible

Inside the crucible

We get crushed and broken but we can become whole again

We are made tacky by our own moisture

Usually represented by sweat and tears

Cuts and rips like deep incisions

Hard decisions to make

We get piled on top of ourself just to become powder

Loose our power just to be reenergized

Find me devoutly chasing and naming myself

Inner self come forth and multiply

Before I die I will live again

In my prism to show my colors

Bruises show the change in my skin

My boldness my sin and and my salvation is not hidden

Your arms have been my prison and now I need release

Conditioned as a problem

How can words, thoughts and emotions harm him...

My last drive not one to self destruction

I need to become the glue

So that I don't fall apart...

Bad Luck

She was bad luck before I met her

Bad look for me to get involved

Should have known from previous relationships

How she handled shit

Thats it would not be better

For love I did not think again

But this time it put me really behind

Popped me in the system

To my heart I should have never listened

See, it's never about a woman

But its always about one

You never go against your rules except for one

I only get unclear when I let my heart get my ear

I should stay my course

Of course that little voice comes out

And says you dont want to die alone, no doubt

But see i moved away, right away

To avoid a lie placed on me

And I was living successfully

Never to return there another day

But then here she comes

With a mess of an address

In an area uncomfortable and inaccessible

And instead of being intellectual

I wasn't

Now I rest with my demons and issues

Far worse off because I fell in love with her

And went against my own system

Now she ridicules me for my past

Takes no responsibility and laughs

Giving the next man the ass and he is laughing too

At me for sure of course right now

But I won't take a bow or any blows

I just go harder now against their flow

And remember that anywhere that I go

I go... slow

And weigh out all of my variables

Verily, to be more than just there

She likes it when she is needed

She likes it when she can talk down and nasty to me

She says its just because she is angry

I can see that she never believed in me

I can see that she never respected me

Maybe I never believe in and respected myself

That's why I took the abuse

I was sure I was looking for love

So this time I didn't run when I should have ran

Hind sight is 20/20

Still got me plenty of life left to do me

And no time to believe in

Bad Luck

Peep This

I see you watching from the outside wishing you were here

Like you don't know how you got where you are now

There is a difference in choosing and being chose

But you may not know

There is a difference in wanting and being wanted

But you may not know

There is a difference in controlling and control

But you may not know

When you finally figure it out I won't care

I see you watching from the outside wishing you were here

Like you don't know how you got where you are now

There is no lie worse than the lie you tell to yourself

I guess if you repeat it enough in private you can repeat it in public

Try and get some sympathy on your own creation

Like you didn't make things exactly the way they are now

Like you are the victim in this somehow

But no one is buying it

Nor is anything else here for sale

I see you watching from the outside wishing you were here

Like you don't know how you got where you are now

Peep this

This is what I have to say to you

My Abstinence

Through the dark passages of my mental

I will continue to treat my body like a temple

No matter how many people try to prey on me

I'll keep my sanctity through my consistency

Resistance through the reality of my Abstinence

I don't mess with you anymore

This is a cleansing - a new mantra

God has blessed me and wants me to be successful

No one with wicked intentions will ever last in my circle

I rebuke you and any negativity from my life

Those that gather in secret against me with envy, jealousy and hate in their hearts will be exposed

No weapon gathered against me shall prosper

The riches and wealth that I gather from the earth I will share it

In abundance before your eyes you shall see me grow

I am now conscious and ready to receive the bounty of the universe

Feed The Famine

I went to Haiti gluttonous

Came back on an internal diet

Promise to feed the famine

They starving for this

I went to Haiti promiscuous

Came back oh so fidelis

True to only a select few

Don't believe what they telling you

Beautiful Soul is a movement

Soul is... Beautiful

Although people act ugly to me

I still see their beauty

I still would like some unity

But not to my destruction

Not to the detriment of my sista

Everyone acting so lawless

Like its cool

But really they hate organization

But really they hate rules

So I had to come back

And make it clear

You can say and do

Whatever you want

Just not here

Beautiful Soul s a movement

Soul is... Beautiful

So we don't play with it

How is Gary and Haiti

So different

To think they just love us

Is just not intelligent

Use your wisdom

What they need - keep giving 'em

No matter what you've heard

It's not just music, singing and words

The Soul is my religion

Because its what I practice

Only strangers are surprised

When they come into our set

I already knew

How beautiful it could get

Off hard work and sweat

I won't forget

I was the poorest person

Outside the projects

But my mind stayed fresh

So I stayed fresh

Everywhere I went

Leaving my influence

Depuis je parti Gary

Ca bouge pour nous

Quand j'etait en Tunisie et Cote D'Ivoire

Ca bouge pour nous

Quand j'etait avec Fela dans la Shrine

Ca bouge pour nous

Quand j'etait en Haiti avec le peuple

Ca bouge pour nous

See this aint nothing new

I can feature on any set

And on my set - I give anyone a feature

Ungrateful they were respected

They long to go to the city to get rejected

When they ask from whence they came

They hear our name

I went to Haiti gluttonous

Came back on an internal diet

Promise to feed the famine

They starving for this

I went to Haiti promiscuous

Came back oh so fidelis

True to only a select few

Don't believe what they telling you

Soul is...

No Absolutes

There are no absolutes in life

The same people that may want you out today

May be advocates for you to be in tomorrow

The same people you can not stomach today

You may place in a position of responsibility tomorrow

There are no real absolutes except for change

Change is the only absolute save for God to believers

Save for love for the lovers

Hate for the haters

My mind does not digest the congestion of thoughts in gray areas

My thoughts will not color a black and white mindset

Another absolute is the thought that things can die

But there is no absolute contention that this is the truth

Or why...

Frequency's Frequency

The interdependency of sound and harmony

Between man and woman can

Resonate past participation

My hesitation to become noise

Organize my sound to music

Don't confuse it

As common

My breath moves at a constancy of my heart beat

2/4 or 1/3 or sporadic like my thoughts

Caught in the brown hues of your eyes

Trying to vibrate past your hips and thighs

Learning your manuscript

I hum to calm me down

And stop my body from aching

Frequency's frequency

Still participating

Precipitating like tears down your cheek

Freak wincing

A wink as a blink

As a link

To what I think

I pause for you in adoration

You rush me to take my patience

The interdependency of sound and harmony

Between man and woman can

Resonate past participation

But won't you join me next time...

Even if it's just in my mind...

In time we will take tours...

Through yours...

- Kelechukwu

www.chukwuism.com